


Sunset Sonata

by Lv1Zaku



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Classical Music, Drama, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-08-07 19:58:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16414955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lv1Zaku/pseuds/Lv1Zaku
Summary: Eiji Okumura has long since given up chasing the path of music in favor of a normal, day-to-day life. But the memories asleep inside his head are dragged out by a chance encounter with the mysterious, captivating Ash, one of New York's most up-and-coming student pianists. When Eiji finds himself pulled deeper and deeper into Ash's world, he must come face-to-face with his deepest fears and most ardent desires--and make a choice that will irrevocably decide his future.





	1. Fantasia

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I have very little background knowledge of classical music, and have never played an instrument. If you find a factual error in any part of the story, please don't hesitate to let me know. Thanks!  
> Disclaimer 2: This is my first work on this site and I still am not 100% sure how the tags go. I'll do my best!

               _The city of dreams._ That was what they called it, and how he had always thought of it; a beautiful, shining city, buildings shooting tall into the sky far above his head, sun glinting off the windows and dazzling him. A city where dreams came true, where scenes from his favorite movies became reality. A city larger than life, that he had never been able to truly imagine, that he had never pictured himself ever seeing—New York City.

               But to one Eiji Okumura, the city of dreams was currently more like the city of Not Ever Knowing Where He Was Going, the map on the phone in his hand about as useful as a guidebook written in Portuguese, and he sighed, slumping onto his arms on the counter. He was fairly confident he remembered how to get back to his hotel, and at the very least, he had memorized the address in case going back by taxi seemed more appealing, but a part of him was stubborn, wanting to find the way himself. _Am I doing something wrong? All the streets are in blocks, so it should be easy...maybe it's because they're all just numbers._ Tugging his coffee towards him, he took a sip, glad for the warmth. At least no matter where he was, coffee always tasted the same.

               America—honestly, he was still shocked, somehow unwilling to believe he was truly there. It didn't feel real, though that might have been because he had arrived only yesterday, jet lag dragging him out of bed at 5 o'clock that morning to find that he had fallen asleep in his clothes from the day before. The decision to come here had been a sudden one, a decision he had made while riding his post-graduation high, and he was thoroughly determined to enjoy himself, dragging the map around the phone screen with a renewed vigor. _Okay, come on! I can do this!_

               He had spent all of that day wandering around there in Manhattan, shopping, taking photos, stopping by cafes, little corner shops, stands set up on the street. There were people everywhere, of every sort, speaking so many different languages he couldn't begin to identify them all; he had worried that his English wasn't good enough to be understood by anyone, but he had done all right so far, much more confident now than he had been just that morning, trying to ask the front desk directions to Times Square. It was nearing 8 PM now, jet lag striking again and making him feel heavy—hence the coffee.

               It was dark outside now, and cold, and Eiji wrapped himself more tightly in his scarf as he stepped back out into the wind, the cafe door swinging shut quietly behind him; hoisting his shopping bags, he started off down the street, feeling his limbs drag. _I'm so tired..._ Suddenly it felt like the coffee hadn't even made a difference, and he willed himself to keep walking, distracting himself at crosswalks by reading the signs on the stores he passed. There were still people out everywhere, sporting coats and hats and scarves like his, and Eiji suppressed a shiver, trying to walk more quickly. It was cold in Japan, too, but New York was so much colder it was all he could do to bear it, air stinging against his face as it rushed past.

               _What was I going to do tomorrow?_ To distract himself from the wind he mentally sorted through his plans for the week, though he had run through them hundreds of times, already knowing them by heart. He would be there for six days, returning to Tokyo on Sunday, and tomorrow he had made up his mind to visit the Statue of Liberty, though he wondered if it hadn't been better to reserve a tour in advance. _Oh well..._

               He was on Broadway now, and as Eiji looked over toward the other side of the street, a massive glass building with an angled roof caught his attention, golden lights beaming down inside. _Wow...what's that place?_ He had been walking around on Broadway just that afternoon but somehow hadn't noticed this area, though that might have been because he had been preoccupied with just remembering where to go, trying to make note of where the subway lines were, where not to stand, how to avoid getting jostled by the people rushing past him. He hadn't noticed that he had stopped in his tracks, admiring the architecture, trying to squint across the street to read the words on the glass, but to no avail. _Hmm..._

               A quick glance told him where the crosswalk was, and letting curiosity get the better of him, Eiji followed the other pedestrians waiting there to inspect the building more closely, peering through the glass at a wide, extravagant lobby, wood-paneled walls, a bright white reception area where scores of people wearing suits and black coats were milling about. _This is...a concert hall, right?_ From across the street he had seen staircases and lounges up at the top, but from where he stood now only the lobby stretched before him, glowing in the night.

               "Are you going inside?" asked a huffy voice from behind him, and Eiji swiveled around in shock to find a brown-haired woman standing behind him, impatience written on her face, eyebrows raised. "Y-Yes! Sorry!" he stammered, wrenching open the door, and before he knew what he was doing he was inside, warm air instantly soothing his raw cheeks, wind stopping; he stumbled into the entryway, frantically stepping off to the side to get out of the way as the woman hurried past him without so much as a look back.

               _Why am I in here? I just wanted to look..._ His heart was still pumping, and he sighed, shifting his bags to the other hand so he could loosen his scarf a little. _But it really is a nice building._ Now that he was inside he could see the lobby much more clearly, wood smell somehow nostalgically comforting, white floors shining, the soft murmur of voices drifting through the air from the people wandering here and there. A cluster of tables and chairs were set up at the bottom of a small set of stairs that lay just in front of him, and nervously Eiji made his way down, keeping to the side, hoping he wouldn't accidentally knock into someone. The lobby wasn't horrifically crowded, but there were enough people there to make him self-conscious, suddenly feeling extremely out of place.

               _I wonder if I'm allowed to take pictures? Maybe I should ask someone._ But the thought of going up to the counter just for that was suddenly embarrassing, and he hesitated, unsure what to do. _But I just wanted to look! I should go back to the hotel._ "Hey, are you here for the recital?" _Wha—me?_

               Incredulous, Eiji looked up to find a friendly-looking East Asian boy standing in front of him, holding out a program his way. He had close-shaven hair and was wearing a suit, a kind smile on his face. "Oh—I—" Automatically accepting the program, Eiji glanced down at the cover— _Recital. Aslan J. Callenreese, piano. Monday, October 22 nd, 8:30 pm._ Underneath was written the names of the songs that would be played that evening, but apart from the names and composers, Eiji couldn't understand the rest.

               "No, I..." Eiji's gaze moved back from the program to the boy, feeling guilty. "I'm sightseeing!" "Sightseeing?" The boy blinked back in confusion. "Oh—no wonder you're carrying all those bags." His face split into a smile again. "True, this place is pretty famous. Sorry, though; you can't take photos in here." _Oh..._

               "Where are you from?" asked the boy, and Eiji paused. _He's still talking to me?_ "Japan," he managed, and the boy nodded. "Nice. I've never been, but heard it's a nice place. I'm from here, but my family's from China. Not like I've been there either." He smiled again. "What's your name?" "E-Eiji. Eiji Okumura." "Nice to meet you, Eiji. You can call me Shorter." The boy took a step back, as if to depart. "If you have some time, you should come see Ash play. It's free, you know!" "A-Ash?" Eiji looked back down at the program. _But..._ "Yeah, that's his full name on the paper, but he hates being called _Aslan_." Shorter grinned. "Anyway, I gotta go, but it was nice meeting you! See you around!" And he was gone.

               _Ash...Shorter._ Eiji looked back down at the program, his bags suddenly feeling five times heavier in his other hand. _Well..._ Tucking the program into one of the bags, he fumbled for his phone; it was 8:20, and the concert was due to start in ten minutes. _I guess...it's still a little early. The trains run late. And there's only five songs on this program—it shouldn't be very long. I would feel bad to not go, since he invited me and everything. And it's free._ Mostly he wanted to put the bags down, so, his mind made up, Eiji slowly crossed the lobby, following the steady trickle of black-clad people that were filing into the hall proper.

               He had to will himself not to stop dead in the doorway as he blinked, eyes fighting to adjust to the dimmer light; the inside of the hall was enormous, walls a soft brown wood, rows and rows of black seats descending down towards the stage. Quite a few were filled, though definitely not all, and nervously Eiji scurried over to the far left side, scanning the rows for a place to sit. _Can we just sit anywhere? Since it's free, we probably don't have seat numbers..._

               There was a line of empty seats right next to the aisle, and Eiji took the one directly on the end, shoving his bags under the seat as far as they could go. He knew his phone was already on silent, checking the time once more—8:25. There was a sort of anxious buzz in the air, and Eiji found himself sitting with his hands in his lap, staring at the program he had fished out from the bag, trying to remember song names, wondering if they were the same as the ones he knew. It had been years since he had even so much as thought about music, although there had been a time when it was everything, notes and melodies playing back over and over again.

               His eyes snapped onto the stage as the lights overhead dimmed even further, only the bright stage lights shining down, illuminating the grand piano he hadn't even noticed was sitting there, as though waiting, the same as they, everyone in the crowd. As he watched, from backstage emerged a young man whose face he couldn't see from so far away, but his blond hair shimmered gold in the light, crisp suit looking somehow too big on his slender frame. He walked lightly to sit before the piano, bowing to the applause ringing out around him, silence falling over the hall as his eyes moved to the keys, arms coming up to hover just above them.

               At the sound of the first note Eiji felt a crawling thrill pulse down his arms, sitting up straighter in his chair; he was clear across the room but he could feel how intensely the boy on stage was concentrating, a sort of vivid, electric energy around him that Eiji almost thought he could sense in the air, like sparks. The first song was Mozart's _Fantasia No.4_ in C minor, gentle melody washing over them almost like the background music to the film reel of memories that were suddenly filling Eiji's head, memories of his childhood, sitting in front of a piano much like the one on stage and laboring to find the right keys, keep time, follow along with the pages. He had given up piano before he had even reached junior high school, but when he closed his eyes he was a child again, fingers drifting across the keys, smooth under his fingertips.

               _He's...really good._ He was sitting at the back of the room but the sound was so clear it was as though he had a front row seat, eyes on Aslan's— _Ash's?_ —hands as they glided over the piano, shoulders loose, entire body leaning into the keys as he played. His touch was light enough not to be too violent, but strong enough to send the notes reverberating through the hall, ringing in Eiji's chest. _It's like..._ The way Ash's wrists moved so fluidly, how natural it seemed for him to be sitting there, how he didn't bother to shake his bangs out of his eyes even when they fell over his face—there was something about how simply and clearly his emotions came through, though Eiji couldn't even see his features. _It's like he and the piano are friends, and they're talking to each other. I can't see his face, but...I'm sure he's smiling._

               Without a pause Ash slid into the next piece, and the next, and the next, Eiji sitting captivated; with every second that passed, he was being dragged deeper into Ash's world, a world he would never have known had he not happened to walk past this building just a short while ago. He knew now it was a school, the name written there at the top of the program, but had it not been for how young he knew Ash must be he would never have guessed he was a student, his skill good enough to be a professional, at least to Eiji's ears. Next was Chopin. Then Grieg. They were all names he remembered from long ago, sitting untouched in the back of his brain the same as his old piano books must be sitting in the closet at home, on the other side of the world. He had forgotten he was in America, or that he knew no one here—the only thing that existed now was Ash, and the mystifying, soothing way he played.

               And then, it was over.

               Eiji felt his legs moving by themselves as he scrambled to his feet, his hands already hurting from how hard he was clapping them together, applause thundering all around him as Ash bowed low on the stage, golden hair hanging straight down. If he hadn't known this was a school Eiji would have thought a master pianist's solo concert had just ended, so loud was the sound; people around him now here in the back were already reaching for their bags and coats, light spilling across the seats as the doors opened. Even once Ash had left the stage the applause continued, and Eiji sank back down into his seat, suddenly drained, strength disappearing from his lower body. A look at his phone told him it was almost 9:45, and he had wanted to be in bed an hour ago.

               He sat there a while, slowly gathering his bags from under the seat, waiting until the hall had cleared out some before he rose, shuffling to the door. The lobby was full of people, much more crowded than it had been when Eiji had arrived, and as he squinted in the suddenly bright light he realized that Ash had come out to greet his audience, his hair just as golden here as it had been on the stage. Now that he was standing a little closer Eiji could see a bit of his face, but he was saved from having to awkwardly stare as he heard his name. "Hey, Eiji!"

               His heart nearly stopping in shock, Eiji froze, but the next moment he recognized Shorter waving at him from where he stood beside Ash, the latter's gaze moving to Eiji's, and for the first time they locked eyes; Eiji felt some foreign, overwhelming force seize him, feet rooted to the floor. Ash's eyes were a bright, beautiful green, his features so soft and slight that had Eiji seen him on the street he would have mistaken him for a movie star, almost angelically good-looking, _radiant_. He couldn't find words, voice dying in his throat, but he was saved as Shorter moved through the crowd, coming over to where Eiji stood.

               "You came to the performance?" asked Shorter, joy in his expression, and Eiji couldn't help smiling, nodding. "Yes. It was very good." "Right?! I knew you would want to come." Shorter smiled, a genuine smile. "Sorry to make you carry around all your bags, though. I guess it was kind of last minute." "No—it's no problem," said Eiji, shaking his head quickly. "I could bring them." "Hey, Shorter, who's this?"

               Eiji looked up to find himself face-to-face with Ash, his presence almost intimidating, and he hesitated, unsure what to do. "Oh, this is Eiji, from Japan. I invited him to your show earlier," said Shorter, turning back to Ash, who sighed. "Isn't he a tourist? He doesn't look like a student." "Yeah—actually, I thought he might be a student here at first," said Shorter sheepishly, looking ashamed. "Sorry, Eiji. You look about the same age as us, but I'd never seen you around before, so I figured you didn't go here." "Yes—I'm just sightseeing," said Eiji, feeling the color rise in his face. Somehow, just standing here in front of Ash was taking all the energy he had, but knowing that he would soon be in bed was keeping him going, hoping he hadn't forgotten where the hotel was in all the excitement.

               "Sorry about him." Ash looked from a grinning Shorter back to Eiji, his expression apologetic. "Thanks for coming to see me, anyway. I appreciate it." He extended a hand, and Eiji shook it; Ash's grip was firm, but his fingers were delicate. "Your concert was very good," said Eiji again, unsure what else to say, but Ash gave a little smile at his words, eyes shining. "I'm glad you thought so." "I was very..." Eiji felt the fingers of his free hand curl into his coat, bunching it up in his hand right above his heart. "...very touched."

               "Touched?" Ash blinked for a moment before his smile widened. "That's the first time anyone's ever said something like that. Thank you." _This is a real smile._ Eiji had seen him smiling earlier as well, surrounded by people, but somehow it had felt different, just an expression, like he was on autopilot. His eyes hadn't shone like this then, the difference staggering, and Eiji felt his heart beat a little faster in spite of himself.

               "Hey, Eiji, do you play music too?" asked Shorter suddenly, and Eiji looked over at him, surprised. "Now, no," he said, shaking his head, "but when I was a child, I played piano. I stopped when I was an elementary school student." "Really?" Shorter raised his eyebrows. "Why'd you quit?" _Because..._ He pushed away the memories, negativity creeping through his chest. "I...I didn't like it," he said simply, expecting the reaction to be negative, too, but Shorter nodded in understanding. "I know what you mean. I think a lot of kids are like that. I wanted to quit, too, when I was in elementary school."

               "You play music?" asked Eiji of Shorter, who nodded, smiling again. "Yup, sure do! I play violin." He mimed playing an invisible one, and Eiji's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow!" "We play together sometimes," continued Shorter, nodding towards Ash. "He's my accompaniment." "Whatever." Ash rolled his eyes, but Eiji could see the joking glint in his expression.

               "Anyway, we better go." Shorter looked for the time, and Eiji looked up to find that the crowd was dispersing, the lobby slowly emptying as the audience disappeared out into the night. "Thanks again for coming to the show, Eiji! Maybe we'll see each other again sometime." "Oh—okay." Shorter jogged off, and Ash shook his head, giving Eiji another small smile. "Thanks from me, too. Enjoy New York."

               Eiji pushed the lobby door open and was immediately hit with a blast of cold wind, shivering, and he clutched his bags more tightly as he pulled out his phone, navigating to his maps app again; it had at least been warm inside the concert hall, but now it was almost like he had never even been inside. His hotel was only a few blocks away, near Central Park, and he dragged himself the rest of the way, body suddenly as heavy as stone, glad he had remembered to eat dinner earlier. The way he was now he doubted he would be able to even remember the name of anything, let alone eat it.

               When at last he reached the hotel and had come back to his room, setting his bags down on the floor, Eiji fell gratefully onto his bed, managing to change into pajamas this time, shoes by the door. He could barely keep his eyes open, and as his face hit the pillow he let himself remember the concert, notes floating back through his mind and lulling him to sleep, the soft rumble of passing cars outside his window taking the place of Ash's piano.

               _Ash. Who are you? How did you learn to play...like that? And why do I..._

               He couldn't even finish the thought completely before he was asleep, sonatas in his head, wrapping him up gently and carrying him away.


	2. Rêverie

"...and there are so many little parks, and shops, and street vendors." Eiji lay his head on his arms as he stretched out on his stomach, his laptop open in front of him on his hotel bed. "It would take years to go everywhere. Even when I go back to places I went before, there's something new there I missed the first time." "It's good you're having fun, but be careful," came his mother's voice through his headphones, her expression reflected there on the laptop screen clearly worried. "Isn't it dangerous? There might be gangs or people with guns." "It's okay, mom." Eiji had to smile. "Not _everyone_ has a gun here. I haven't seen even a single one since I got here." "Really?"

               A few days had passed since Eiji had arrived in New York, and it was now Thursday evening, the sun already having long since gone down. His parents had just woken up in Japan, video calling him blearily from the family computer, but he didn't have the concentration to keep talking for much longer, his stomach already growling; it was his own fault for having eaten lunch late, and his mind was already sorting through the restaurants he knew were nearby and fairly inexpensive. He didn't mind just buying something from a supermarket or convenience store, either, but too much junk food and his body wouldn't be able to keep up with all of the walking he was doing. That entire day he had gone around visiting all the museums he had made a note of on his phone, flitting from place to place like a hummingbird, anxious to see what was next.

               "Okay, I think I'm going to go eat dinner," said Eiji, once there was a lull in the conversation, and his mother smiled, his father waving in the background. "Take care, Ei-chan. Be safe." "Don't worry, I'll be fine." With a little farewell wave he closed his laptop, pushing it up onto the desk, and then it was back to his phone to search for a place to eat. _I wish I knew someone here. A local would know more about good restaurants than I do just from looking at reviews..._

               Well. He _did_ know someone, technically, and as he sat up, staring down at his phone, Eiji hesitated, half-in disbelief at himself for even thinking about it, and half-ready to just walk out the door and try it. Ash and Shorter's faces popped into his mind, but as quickly as the thought had come into his head he dismissed it, feeling silly. _I can't just go over there and look for them. I have no idea if they had class today, or even if they take classes like regular students. They might be busy or somewhere non-students can't go. But it's getting late..._ It was nearly 7 PM now. _But, wait! This is stupid. I can't just barge into a building and ask if they're there._

               _...can I?_

               Twenty minutes later he was already halfway down the street, unable to believe himself, as though the real Eiji was watching his own body being piloted by some brain-hijacking monster; it was much less windy today, but still cold, and he tried not to think about it as he followed the path along Central Park back down to where he knew the campus was. He couldn't remember how long it had taken to walk back to the hotel that time, but now that he was much more well-rested and aware of his surroundings, it didn't seem all that bad, his steps steadier, pace faster. Ever since the concert there had always been a song in his head, and he let the one currently looping play on, though he couldn't remember the name. It was funny to think that just a few days ago he had almost never thought about music, but now it came to him so easily it was as though it had never left.

               It took some ten more minutes to reach the building with the angular roof Eiji remembered seeing on Monday, people in the lobby again, but once he neared Eiji instead circled around, looking for a place students might gather, watching as people passed him by on the other side. He had completely missed most of the campus the other night, never noticing the other buildings that stood nearby, and as he wandered between them he found a square-shaped pond that sat in the center of a sort of courtyard, a handful of people walking leisurely around; a deep green hill sloped upwards just beyond it, stairs leading up to a different building, brick, lined with windows. In the lights that glowed softly around, the water shimmered gold, reflecting the sky and making Eiji dizzy.

               Standing a ways away from the main courtyard was a white building that rose into the air, taller than some of the others, and as Eiji turned to look he noticed more people walking across the path at its base, one of which had shining golden hair. _Is that...?_

               He was already walking that way before he knew it, knowing there was a chance he might be wrong, but even from this far away he had a feeling he wasn't, spotting a taller boy with close-shaved black hair walking beside the golden-haired person. _It's got to be them! I really found them just by coming here? What is this building?_ He glanced upwards again, but now he was close enough to be within earshot, and he heard his own voice come out of his mouth just as the thought of maybe possibly talking to them formed in his head. "Ash! Shorter!" _Wait...did I just—_

               "Huh?" At the sound of their names both boys turned around, and Shorter's eyes widened as they met Eiji's; he felt his face heat up, embarrassed at himself, but it was too late now. " _Eiji?!_ What are you doing here?" They stopped, letting him close the distance, and then Eiji was standing there in front of them once more, taking a second to recover from what he had just done. Both Ash and Shorter were in casual clothes now, sporting thick hoodies and jeans, a gray knit cap adorning Ash's head. "I...I'm looking for a restaurant," said Eiji; it was only a half-lie, but Shorter only looked confused, raising an eyebrow. "Here? Did you get lost?"

               "Actually, we were just on the way to get dinner, too," said Ash suddenly, and Eiji's gaze met his, though he noticed that somehow, today Ash's eyes were much softer than they had been the night of the concert, gentle green in the outdoor lights. He was much less intimidating to look at now, and Eiji inwardly relaxed, nervous tension draining out of his shoulders. "Do you want to come with us? We have to take the train, though—we're going to Chinatown." "Ch-Chinatown?" Eiji repeated slowly, and Shorter nodded, giving what seemed to be his usual wide smile. "My sister's got a shop there, so when we're not busy we usually go. She might give you a discount if she likes you!" " _You_ don't even get a discount, and she's your sister," retorted Ash, to which Shorter replied with an affronted face.

               "I can come?" asked Eiji, incredulous, and Ash nodded, a little smile appearing; Eiji couldn't help remembering the smile he had seen after the concert, the way it had reached his eyes, so different from the cold smile he had shown the crowd just moments before. This smile was somewhere in between, not entirely genuine, but not entirely fake, and for a moment he didn't know how to react, flustered. "You're sightseeing, right? Unless you already went to Chinatown?" Pale eyebrows knit just a little, inquisitive, and Eiji quickly shook his head. "No."

               "Then let's go." Shorter slid his hands into his pockets, taking the lead, and slowly Eiji followed as he fell into step with Ash, feeling somehow giddy, almost suspicious at how lucky he was. _I thought I'd never be able to see them again before I left, but...they were right here. Almost like they were waiting._ They were passing by the tall building, and suddenly Eiji remembered he had wanted to ask about it, pointing upwards. "What's this?" "Huh? Oh, this building?" Ash looked up, momentarily confused. "These are the dorms. Some of the students live here, and so does Shorter." "Yup!" Shorter raised a hand from the front of the line.

               "You don't live here?" asked Eiji, and Ash shook his head slowly. "I have my own apartment around here. I really only go there to sleep, though. Most of the time I'm here practicing or in class." "Or in my dorm, you freeloader," said Shorter, turning around, and Ash shrugged, a mischievous sort of smirk on his face. "Might as well get some use out of that expensive dorm, right?" "Says the guy who literally just got done saying he only goes home to sleep!"

               It was a ways to the subway station that connected to the Chinatown line, and as they walked along beside one another through the streets, streetlights illuminating the path, Eiji felt his chest swell with happiness. He had never expected to make friends here in New York, especially not since he was only a tourist, though when he thought about it he couldn't exactly call them _friends_ —just people who were kind to him, and knew his name. But just that was enough, he thought; they were people he could walk beside like this and chat with, even if they didn't have anything important to chat about. He had never had any foreign friends back in Japan, somehow never having had any means to approach even the exchange students at his university, too convinced that they would never have enough in common. But now, here—it was as though none of that mattered, and he could see for the first time how wrong he had been.

               "So, Eiji, where have you been so far?" asked Ash, by way of conversation, and Eiji turned to him to find the soft green eyes trained on him, relaxed expression on Ash's face. "Oh, well...on Monday I went shopping here, on Broadway. And Tuesday I went to the Statue of Liberty, and cruising in the bay! It was so cold." "You didn't fall _in_ the water, did you?" Ash's smile was lightly teasing. "That's great, though. If you went on the cruise, you went to Ellis Island too, right?" "Yes!" "Would you believe I've never actually been there?" "Really?!" "Yeah...I think about it sometimes, but I guess...because it's so close, I can go anytime, you know? And then I just...don't." Ash looked almost embarrassed.

               _We're talking...like we've known each other forever._ Somehow the Ash he had seen on Monday had disappeared, replaced with this warm, chatty Ash who smiled more often than not, so many different expressions on his face Eiji couldn't identify them all, eyes shining. _It's hard to think he almost scared me when we met. He's completely different when he's not near a piano._ He couldn't forget the feeling of that concert, how intensely, incredibly alive he had felt just sitting there watching, but he liked this feeling too; it was as if, for the first time, someone was meeting him head-on, instead of just passing him by.

               "Then what did you do yesterday?" They were almost to the station, the staircase visible at the end of the sidewalk, and secretly Eiji didn't want the walk to end, content to just follow Ash and Shorter around Manhattan for hours if he could talk to them like this. "I went to the zoo," said Eiji excitedly, pulling out his phone, and Ash leaned in to look as Eiji opened up the folder of pictures he had taken the day before. "Whoa, that's a ton of pictures. You must really like animals." "Yeah...maybe." _Why's he standing so close?_ Wordlessly he offered the phone to Ash, who took it, swiping through the hundreds of photos one at a time; he withdrew a bit, and Eiji breathed a silent sigh of relief.

               "We're at the station," announced Shorter, and Eiji looked up to find that this was true, the staircase right in front of them. Ash handed back the phone, fishing in his pocket for his train pass, and Eiji pulled out his own, following as Shorter led the way down into the station. From there, it was a fifteen minute train ride to Chinatown, and they pushed their way inside the next train, Eiji taking care not to hit anyone around him, making sure not to lose sight of Ash and Shorter. He had ridden the trains a fair bit over the last few days, slowly learning the routes, though he wasn't sure if he would ever remember which line was which.

               Once they had arrived at their destination and had emerged back aboveground, Eiji took a moment to clear his head, his ears ringing from how loud the train was; he had always taken riding trains at home for granted, never having stopped to think about it. They had come out close to a little fenced-in park full of soccer nets, and the buildings here were much smaller, only a few stories at most. Just one look and he knew they were already in Chinatown, Chinese characters scrawled across the storefronts, but compared to the main streets he had been wandering the last few days, there was quite a lot more graffiti, shops with their shutters down, not as many lights.

               "Hey, you okay?" Eiji looked up to find that he had instinctively stepped closer to Ash, who was looking back at him with concern. "Oh—sorry." He quickly stepped back, embarrassed, but Ash's expression changed to one of understanding. "It must be really different from Japan." "Yes...very different." Eiji nodded in agreement. "Some areas are similar, but...not like this." "Here's not so bad," Shorter chimed in, already on the move again. "It's just kinda old. A lot of these buildings have been here a while." "Ohh."

               A few streets over, nestled in between a bakery and a corner shop, lay the restaurant Shorter was leading them to; just standing outside Eiji could feel that it was a warm place, lights cheery and bright, and though the awning that stood overhead was faded and peeling, it almost reminded him of the local diners at home. Through the window he could see a few people eating at the tables, talking together, and at the sight of the food spread out on the tabletops he was suddenly very aware of how hungry he was, hoping Shorter and Ash hadn't heard his stomach growling thus far. "Well, here we are," said Shorter, pushing open the door, and Eiji followed, last in line behind Ash.

               A fragrant garlicky smell hit him in the face as he ducked inside, faint smoke drifting in the air from the kitchen, hints of spices and sauces mingling and suddenly making Eiji even hungrier, wondering how long the wait would be. Shorter waved at someone behind the counter, and Eiji peered around him to find a taller women with short-cut black hair standing there wearing an apron, her eyebrows raised. She addressed Shorter in Chinese, and he responded in kind, leaving Ash and Eiji to stand there a while, a bit awkwardly.

               "Is that his sister?" asked Eiji, trying to keep his voice down as he turned to Ash, who nodded. "Yeah. Her name's Nadia. We're pretty lucky since it's not too busy right now, but sometimes when it's crowded it takes a long time to get a table. And Shorter eats a lot." "I heard that," came Shorter's voice from in front of them, and he shot Ash an indignant look before turning back around, continuing the conversation as though nothing had happened. "Do you come here a lot?" asked Eiji, the silence somehow uncomfortable, and Ash nodded slowly, pensively. "Yeah, I guess so. It's a little far, but the food's good, and it's not so expensive. And it's good to go somewhere else sometimes. I get bored of the places around school if I go there too much." "Oh...I understand."

               Thankfully, it only took a few minutes to be seated, and Eiji soon found himself sitting in a soft plush chair at a round, wide table, covered with a thick plastic tablecloth over white lace. Menus were scattered across the top, and he slid one closer, scanning the contents; he couldn't understand all of the descriptions, but he was sure he would be able to understand enough to at least order something he liked. "This is going to be a terrible question," said Shorter, looking up at Eiji from across the table, "but can you read Chinese?" Eiji had to smile. "I can understand the meaning sometimes," he said, nodding, "but I don't understand the sounds. And some of the characters are different." "Yeah, I thought so." Shorter looked the tiniest bit ashamed. "Are you good with the menu? I can help you order if you want." "I'm okay," reassured Eiji; out of the corner of his eye he saw Ash hide a smile behind his menu.

               With a bit of Shorter's help Eiji finally settled on fried rice and dumplings— _dumplings, that's a new word_ —and they got to eating once all of their food arrived, Shorter surrounded by plates of different meats, vegetables, seafood; Ash had ordered a plate of noodles, and for a time they ate in silence, unsure what to talk about. A TV was on in the corner playing a Chinese music show, and Eiji watched without really absorbing what he was looking at until he heard Shorter's voice, through mouthfuls of rice. "So, Eiji, gonna tell us about yourself?"

               Ash gave Shorter a look that meant _really?_ , brow wrinkling in disbelief. "No one would ever look at you and think you go to the top music school in this city." "Hey!" Shorter shot back a look of mock-sadness, sticking out his lower lip in a pout. "I just figured, since we keep running into each other...we might as well get to know each other, you know?" "That's true." Ash's features melted back into a small smile, and he turned his gaze to Eiji, who paused, chopsticks in hand. "I kind of want to know, too. What do you do back in Japan, Eiji? Are you a student?"

               "No." Eiji shook his head, dunking his dumpling in sauce. "I graduated this year, in April." "Wait—so you're older than us?" Shorter raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I could have sworn you were still in school." "I'm twenty-two," admitted Eiji, smiling, and Shorter shook his head. "Wow. Well, my guess was all wrong. We're both still twenty." _Twenty..._ Eiji looked from Shorter to Ash, but he couldn't say he was necessarily surprised. _So they're maybe third year students?_

               "What was your major?" continued Shorter, already back to his shrimp, but Ash's eyes were on Eiji's, attentively listening. "Architecture," said Eiji slowly, hoping he wouldn't stumble over the word; at this Ash looked surprised. "I didn't expect that. Is that why you came to the school?" "Yes...at first." Eiji felt his face burn. "It's really beautiful, so I wanted to see more...and then I saw people inside. And then Shorter gave me the paper." "So really, it's because of me that you're here eating with us!" There was a pleased smile on Shorter's face.

               "But..." _Should I talk about this?_ Eiji paused, hesitating. "I graduated, but I'm not working now. That's why I'm traveling." "Oh..." Shorter's gleeful expression faded. "Are you okay? Did something happen?" "Well..." _Maybe it was a bad idea to bring it up._ "In Japan, we do 'job hunting'. Before graduation, students contact companies and make a connection. Then, after graduation, we go to work for one of the companies. I tried it, but...I couldn't do it well, and I don't have a job now." "So it's kind of like reserving a place or something?" asked Shorter, and Eiji nodded slowly. "Maybe. I want to try again, but..."

               "Hmm." Ash looked down at his plate in thought. "Actually..." "Huh?" Shorter looked over at him in confusion. "Well...I don't want to be rude, of course...but, Eiji, if you want to, I know someone who might be able to get you a job here." "Wha—" Eiji immediately felt a sort of excited chill rush over him, though he couldn't say he didn't feel reluctance, as well. "Wait, you do?" Shorter looked even more confused now, but Ash continued, ignoring him, green gaze locking onto Eiji's. "It would probably take a long time until you could start working, since I'm sure there's a lot of paperwork and legal things...and it would be expensive. But, if you run out of options in Japan, or you ever think about wanting to work abroad...I'll see what I can do."

               "Here... _here_ , in America?" Eiji was still stunned, his brain fighting to process everything he was hearing; he had never even considered the possibility of working in another country, even though here he was in one. To him, the rest of the world had always been for traveling, for taking photos with famous landmarks, for eating different foods—not for _living_ , but the more he thought about it, the more interesting it seemed, trying to picture what his life might be like. "Here, in New York," said Ash, eyes shining with amusement at Eiji's reaction. "Someone I met through a competition I went to has connections to some design firms. I could talk to him for you."

               _Living in New York._ He had barely even seen the city, almost all of his vacation plans limited to Manhattan, and just a few days ago he had needed hours just to adapt to _seeing_ New York, let alone doing anything there. Living in a city that felt larger than Tokyo was overwhelming, even just the thought of it, and for a moment he was speechless, unsure how to respond. "Can I...have some time?" he asked, and Ash nodded, looking almost apologetic. "Yeah, of course. You don't have to say yes if you don't want to. I haven't talked to this guy in a long time—I have no idea how busy he is, or what he's doing now. But, like I said, if you feel like you're out of options, I can try."

               The rest of dinner passed uneventfully, Eiji chatting amiably with the other two as they ate their way through the meal, talking about things he had never expected to tell people that, just a few days ago, had been complete strangers; he talked about his time on the track team, about life in Japan, about school, about deciding to come to America all alone. He talked about his childhood memories, playing piano in a room filled with sunlight. He talked about how nervous he had been to have to speak English for such a long time, but it seemed to have been useless to worry about, Ash and Shorter able to fill in the gaps if he didn't know a word exactly. By the end of the evening he could hardly believe how much he had said, almost exhausted just from speaking.

               "Guess it's time to hit the road," said Shorter, checking his watch once they had finished eating, out of topics to talk about, and Eiji looked at his phone to find that it was right around 10 PM. "Ash, if it's okay with you, why don't we take Eiji back to his hotel? It's kinda late, and you probably wanna get up early tomorrow, right, Eiji?" "Fine with me," replied Ash, rising from his chair, leaving Eiji blinking in bewilderment. "Are you sure? You don't have any plans?" "Nah, after this we were just gonna go home," said Shorter, collecting their money together to pay the bill. "I think your hotel's kinda close to the school, so it's only a few blocks away for me. And Ash doesn't live _that_ far away." Ash nodded in agreement. "Just a couple of stations."

               Eiji was floored. _They're...so kind._ He almost wanted to cry, his chest warm with some fierce, glowing emotion, and he tried not to let it show on his face, turning away as Shorter waved to Nadia, who waved back from the table she was clearing away. _Is everyone in America like this? But even on Monday, when I met them...I felt something different from them. I can't really explain it, but..._ "Ready to go?" came Shorter's voice, and Eiji looked up to find him waiting by the door, Ash beside him; for a long moment Eiji wished that he could live here in this feeling forever, almost sad to think that in only a few more days he would be back home, all of this only a distant memory.

               The return trip was quite a bit quieter, the three of them full and getting sleepy, Eiji struggling to keep his eyes open suddenly as he walked through the cold back into the subway station, onto the train, back out onto the street. He wasn't sure if he had ever used so much energy for so many days in a row, thinking back over how far he had walked, all the places he had visited until today. _Maybe I'll just relax tomorrow. I can find a cafe or somewhere, or stay in the hotel. I already saw a lot of the places I wanted to, and..._

               And then there was the matter Ash had brought up at dinner. _If I come back here, I can see anything I want, any time I want. Because I'll live here._ He had to keep telling himself not to get too excited, that it was only an idea; he still didn't know how much success he would have when he went back, though he knew already he wasn't going to settle for a second-rate job. Though he had never expected to like architecture as much as he did now, he didn't want to give up the dream he had now of actually finding a job in his field. It was much easier to just get a job, _any_ job, but he was stubborn, not wanting to let go.

               "This is it, right?" Eiji snapped back to real life at the sound of Shorter's voice, and he looked up to find that they were standing in front of his hotel, an immediate disappointment falling over him at the realization. "Yes...this is my hotel." As much as Eiji wanted to be inside asleep, he couldn't help thinking that he wanted to spend more time with them, do something together for just one more day, talk about just one more thing although they had already run out of things to say back at the restaurant. They were still right there in front of him, but he missed them already, the warm glow in his chest having long since faded into a sort of dull ache.

               "We probably won't be able to meet up again before you leave," said Shorter sadly, just making the ache worse, "but it was really great to meet you, Eiji. If you're ever in New York again, we should hang out." "Yeah...I want to." Eiji made himself smile, knowing it wouldn't do anyone any good to be sad, but he knew they could see it, a lingering wistfulness in Shorter's gaze. "Eiji." Ash came forward then, pulling his phone out from his pocket, and Eiji looked up, confused. "Give me your email address. That way you can contact me if you want to talk about work, or even if you're just bored or something and want to chat." "I can send you a mail anytime?" asked Eiji, astonished, and Ash finally smiled, a real smile like he had seen on Monday; some kind of gentle warmth prodded at Eiji's heart. "Yeah, of course. Because of the time difference, I won't always be able to reply right away, but I'll always write back when I have time."

               Once Ash's email address was safely in Eiji's phone, and Eiji's in Ash's, it was at last time to part, Shorter taking the initiative and holding out his hand for Eiji to shake, a soft smile on his face. "See you around, Eiji. Hope you have a good trip back." "Thank you." Eiji almost didn't want to look at Ash, but he forced himself to look right into his eyes, the color somehow deeper now than he remembered it having been before, green made dark jade in the night. _Ash..._ Slowly, Ash extended a hand as well, and Eiji shook it, gentle fingers meeting his. _What are you thinking now?_ "Good night, Eiji." _Your face looks so serious, but..._ "Hope you had a good time. Take care getting home." _Your eyes don't lie._

               Because the look there in Ash's eyes—Eiji had seen it somewhere before, though he couldn't place it now, almost able to feel the way Ash's gaze pierced right through him, sadness ringing out loud. It was clear, and sharp, and it hurt him, the ache in his chest so deep now that he felt cold. For half a second Eiji wanted to reach out and hug him, but he stopped himself, feeling awkward; though they had talked about so many different things that day he couldn't remember half of them, he couldn't deny the fact that they were still not completely comfortable with one another, unused to one another. "Good night, Ash." A step back. "I'll see you next time." Then, with a smile and wave, he was inside, and the door separated him from them, the ache refusing to leave.

               This time when Eiji reached his room, he let himself sit slowly on the edge of the bed, not having bothered to turn on the lights; he stared at the pattern of the streetlights on his wall, listening to the cars outside, police sirens, Ash's eyes still staring at him with that sad shine inside his head. For a long, long while he sat there silently, turning over everything they had talked about, everything he had thought, and tried to make sense of it all. He didn't know what time it had been when he had come back to his room, or what time it was when he thought to go to bed, but what he _did_ know, he thought, as his eyes closed, was that meeting that boy, meeting Ash—Aslan J. Callenreese—had done something to him, changed something in him. He didn't yet know what that change was, or even think he could feel it, but as he drifted off, thoughts disappearing, he thought it might be nice, maybe, if it led him somewhere new—somewhere he had never seen before. A place meant only for him.


	3. Andante

               "Two items, right? Your total will be 483 yen."

               He had never noticed before how rhythmic everything around him was—the rattle of the train on the tracks, the chime that played when customers came through the door, the soft clinking of the coins in his hand as he dropped them into the tray on the counter.

               "That's 483 yen exactly. Here's your receipt. Please come again."

               Eiji stepped out of the convenience store, bag in hand, and stared up at the quickly disappearing twilight; dinner was probably ready by now, but he didn't particularly want any, the snacks he had just bought good enough until tomorrow. Now that the sun had set, a chill was setting in, and he shivered in his sweater, zipping up the front as he started along the side of the street for home, making sure to stay out of the way of passing cars. His steps became a melody, echoing in his ears, and he entertained himself by imagining how it might sound on a piano, the same notes, over and over.

               It was only a few minutes back to the house, and he pushed open the door as he arrived, kicking his shoes off in the entryway. The hall was full of the smell of fried food, the TV on in the background, and as he turned the corner to head to his room his mother poked her head out of the kitchen, a curious look on her face. "Ei-chan, where did you go? Dinner's almost ready." "Convenience store," said Eiji, holding up the bag, and his mother shook her head. "Eating snacks again? You're going to gain weight." "I'll be okay," he said, managing a smile; if anything he was going to _lose_ weight with how little he had been eating these days, and he set the bag down on his desk with a sigh as he closed himself inside his room, turning on the lamp that sat next to his PC.

               It had been almost a month since he had come back home, immersing himself in interview prep, scouring job sites for listings every day, but he had had little luck, wondering if there wasn't something he was doing wrong. Still he refused to bow to the pressure of just signing on with any company that threw an offer his way, determined to get into a bigger firm, though as the days passed and he was left to sift through the meager results he found, he was beginning to consider alternative jobs—maybe graphic design wouldn't be so bad, and he would still get to design something. _But..._

               But his mind was somewhere else now, and as he pulled out his desk chair, taking a seat, his eyes moved to the stack of books that sat at the foot of his bed, haphazardly piled on top of each other. The moment he had come back from New York he had gone rummaging around in the closet, pulling out all of his old sheet music and scorebooks, perusing the pages when he needed a break from the computer, eyes aching. His house had no piano, not even a keyboard, and he had no way to practice, but he could still read the notes, albeit a bit too slowly, hands stretched out in front of him as though playing on invisible keys. Part of him regretted having given up music so long ago, but a different part of him, the one that took him over when he least expected it, was burning with newfound passion, heart beating a little faster when he thought back to that October night.

               _Ash._ Eiji had been almost afraid to email him at first, not knowing if he would receive a reply, but as he had said, Ash always wrote back within a day or two, answers long, detailed. He had completely forgotten about what they had talked about at the restaurant in Chinatown, their emails only ever about daily life, their plans, where they had gone; but as Eiji stared at his laptop, sitting closed on the desk, he wondered if maybe he should bring up Ash's offer, feeling awkward just to think about it. _Can he really help me? Ash is a music student, not an architect...but it wouldn't be strange to think that someone who goes to an elite school has connections._

               There was a soft knock at his bedroom door then, and Eiji looked up in surprise as he heard his mother's voice from the hall. "Ei-chan, can I come in?" _Great._ A vague uncomfortable feeling seized him, but he pushed it away. "Okay," he replied, watching his door swing open, and his mother stepped inside, gentle concern in her eyes. Mrs. Okumura was a shorter woman, her hair cut short as well, and she always wore plain-colored knit sweaters in the winter—today too, a sort of burgundy shade. He knew what that look meant, feeling guilty, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything, knowing what he was about to hear.

               "Eiji, what's been going on with you?" Mrs. Okumura shut the door behind her, her voice softening. "Ever since you came back from America, you've just been shut up in here all by yourself. You barely eat anything...we almost never see you." "I just...you know I'm still looking for a job," said Eiji, turning away, but he had never been a good liar, knowing the truth was written on his face. "Of course, we understand that...but you were looking for a job before you left on your trip, too, and it wasn't like this. And all of those books..." Her gaze landed on the stack of books piled there on the floor. "You haven't touched music in ten years, Ei-chan. If you wanted to keep going, why did you tell us you wanted to quit?"

               _No, it's...it's not like that._ "I..." _This is going to sound so stupid._ "When I was in New York...I met someone. A music student, who plays piano. I went to his concert. And...I dunno. I just...thought..." He couldn't put it into words, tripping over what he wanted to say; his mother's face just fell even more. "You want to play like him? I know you, Ei-chan. When you were young, too, you always wanted to be something else—a superhero, a scientist, a teacher. When you entered university, I thought you had finally decided what you wanted to do..." _It's not like that._ "That _is_ what I want to do," said Eiji, his voice a little louder. "I want to get a job in architecture. I'm not giving up on that. But something...I can't explain it. It just sounds strange. When I was sitting there, watching the concert...I remembered everything. It was like...like I woke up. I never thought about music that way before, Mom." His gaze was on the floor, but he wasn't really seeing it; before his eyes stood Ash, bowing on the stage, hair glittering gold.

               "If you want to learn as a hobby, that's fine," said Mrs. Okumura, nodding slowly, "but where are you going to find the time once you start working? You'll have the commute time to think about, too." "Mom, I..." His mind was suddenly made up; now, more than ever before, he was willing to take Ash up on the offer, even if it was a shot in the dark, sick of having to work so hard for a future he didn't even know was guaranteed. He was tired of sending emails, of making phone calls, of dressing himself up in a suit all for nothing, and he felt his fingers curl into a fist in his lap. "That piano player. He said he could get me a job in New York. For architecture."

               "Eiji, you..." Mrs. Okumura's voice was suddenly very quiet, and he could see the shock on her face; he braced himself. "You want to work in _America?_ Is this because of the trip? Visiting another country and living there are two completely different things—you don't know what it's like, or how hard the work will be. What if no one understands you? What if the way they work is all different from here?" Her voice was hard, but not loud, though he almost wished it were the other way around, his fist clenching tighter; his nails were digging into his palm.

               "I know! I know that I don't really know anything. I know my English isn't perfect. I know that just one week there didn't tell me anything about how businesses are, or what people are like. But I..." _I'm sorry, Mom. But please try to understand me, too._ "I don't want to give up my dream job. And if I stay here, I don't know if I'll ever get it. Compared to all the other graduates, everyone the same age as me...I'm one of the only ones who still isn't working. It's embarrassing! I don't want to live like this anymore." He was fighting not to raise his voice, but the more he said, the harder it was to control his emotions, not even knowing where they were coming from. "My chances of getting a job in America might be less than 1%, but if it's not zero...I want to try, Mom. America's not as scary as you think. People are nice, and everyone helps you. I don't want to be stuck living off of you forever." _Even though I could...and maybe you even want me to._

               "We'll need to talk to your father about this." Mrs. Okumura shook her head, but she seemed pacified for now, unsure how to react; Eiji felt even guiltier now, the times he had confronted his parents so few he could count them on one hand, but it had needed to be said, his heart still pounding from adrenaline. "But if it's what you really want..." She paused with her hand on the door handle. "It's rare for boys your age to have such big dreams, Ei-chan. And if you can do it..." She stopped herself, opening the door to step back out into the hall, and he watched her go before turning back to open the laptop, going straight to his email inbox. He hadn't yet replied to Ash's latest email, and he did so now:

 

_I was busy again today with job hunting. But maybe I can't find a job in Japan._

_In Chinatown, you talked to me about a job in New York._

_If you have time, please tell me the information. I'm sorry if you're busy._

_I want to find my dream._

 

~*~

 

               "Can you see me? Is it working?"

               A surge of warmth flooded through Eiji's chest as Ash's face appeared on his laptop screen, a bit pixelated, but his voice was clear through the headphones, and he waved, smiling. "I see you! Is my picture okay?" "Yeah, no problem." Ash gave a thumbs-up from the other side. "Long time no see. What time is it in Japan?" "It's 10 PM." Eiji gave a quick glance to the time in the corner of his monitor. "How about you?" "8 AM here. I always wake up this early, though, so it's okay." Bright sunlight was streaming in through the window Eiji could see behind Ash's head; his usually sleek hair was tousled and messy, and Eiji guessed he must have just gotten out of bed.

               "So, like I said in the email, I gave your contact information to the guy I know," said Ash, and Eiji nodded, quiet for now. "He said he's gonna see what he can find out and then email you. I don't know how long you'll have to wait, but probably not more than a few days." "Do I have to do an interview?" asked Eiji, nervous, and Ash bit his lip in thought, gaze wandering away for a moment. "Hmm. Probably, but I don't know if they'll want you to come all the way here just for that. There might be a way to do a video interview or something. But I don't know that much about the process—I'm just forwarding all the information between you guys."

               "Thank you so much," said Eiji, a rush of gratitude washing over him, and Ash shook his head. "Nah, don't mention it. I know what it's like to really want something and not be able to get it, too." "Really?" At this Eiji was surprised; as long as it was about music, he had assumed Ash had always been able to achieve anything he wanted, skills like his not able to found just anywhere. But at Eiji's reaction, Ash paused, a sort of automatic smile replacing his previous expression, almost like he had said too much. "Yeah, of course. Doesn't everyone feel like that every once in a while?" "Well...maybe." _What was that about?_

               "What's the weather like in Japan right now? It's cold as hell here." Ash's picture suddenly zoomed out, and Eiji realized he was video calling from his smartphone, able to see a thick blanket wrapped around him, all the way up to his neck. "It's cold here too, but not like that," said Eiji, suppressing a grin. "I have to wear a coat outside, but not inside!" "Hey, this is an old building," said Ash defensively, though Eiji caught the smile playing about his mouth. "If I didn't have heat, I could see my breath in here." "Really?!"

               They chatted on a while, Eiji amazed at how easy it was to talk to Ash; though it was the first time they had ever talked like this online, it felt like he was standing right there in the room with him, wondering what the view through that sunny window was like. They talked about school, Ash sharing details about his classmates, what he was studying, what his lessons were like. In just a few days he would be on Thanksgiving break, he said, looking forward to having some time off, especially since exam season was coming in December. No stranger to rigorous exams, Eiji could relate, sharing his own stories about high school and university, how hard he had studied.

               "But—" Something had occurred to Eiji then, and he blinked, pausing. "In America, Thanksgiving is a family holiday, isn't it?" "Usually, yeah." Ash nodded, and though Eiji couldn't sense any kind of hostility or awkwardness there, there was an unintelligible emotion in his gaze, something that pricked softly at his heart. "I'm not really that close with my family, though. My dad lives all the way out in Massachusetts, and I don't go home a lot. That's part of the reason I don't live on campus. That way I can just hang out in here even when school's closed." "Oh...I see." _I shouldn't have asked. Maybe he's upset now._

               "How about you? There's no Thanksgiving in Japan, right?" asked Ash, expression neutral, and Eiji quickly shook his head, relieved that at least for now, Ash didn't seem angry. "No. We learn about it, but in Japan, we celebrate New Year with our families. Everyone gathers together and eats special food. And children get gifts." "Oh, so it's kinda like Christmas." Ash nodded in understanding. "So what's Christmas like, then?" "Well..." Eiji smiled. "In Japan, Christmas is a romantic holiday. A lot of couples go out together." "Wow, that's different." Ash raised his eyebrows, intrigued. "You have a girlfriend?" "N-no." Eiji's heart stuttered in shock, feeling his face burn. "I wasn't so popular in school. And I don't go out so much now." "Aw, I'm sure lots of girls would like you," said Ash, his smile gentle now.

               "What about you?" Eiji shot back, but Ash just shook his head, smile widening. "Nah. I'm way too busy with everything else to even think about dating, you know? If it happens, it happens, but if not, oh well." He shrugged. "Piano is kinda like my girlfriend, I guess. It takes up all my time." His expression was playful now, and Eiji smiled, though in the back of his mind he almost wasn't able to believe it. _Someone like Ash is single? If he wasn't a musician, he could be a model. I'm sure lots of girls want to date him. But...I guess it makes sense. When your life is all about just one thing, you don't really think about anything else._

               "Anyway, I'm gonna get going," said Ash, glancing off to the side at what Eiji assumed was a clock. "Gotta go to school in a bit." "Okay." Slight disappointment settled in Eiji's chest. "Can we chat again?" "Yeah, of course." Ash looked shocked that he had thought otherwise. "Just let me know when you wanna, since I don't know if I'll always have time." "Okay! I'll email you." The disappointment lessened somewhat, and Ash gave the screen a wave. "See ya, Eiji. Have a good night." "Thank you! See you next time!"

               As the screen minimized back into a chat window, Eiji sighed, sudden exhaustion stealing over him; they had only talked for maybe twenty minutes but it had felt like hours, wondering how loudly he had been speaking, if his family had been able to hear—not that they could understand much of what he had said. He could only imagine how annoying his sister was going to be if she had overheard, already knowing the way she was going to mimic him, how she would tease him for video chatting a boy alone in his room. Just the thought was enough to make him roll his eyes, but he couldn't stop himself from smiling, feeling, for the first time in weeks, actually _hopeful_.

               _If I get this job..._ Eiji stared blankly at his desk, his mind already somewhere else again. _I don't know how I'm going to thank Ash. If I had never met him, I would probably never even have thought about trying to work in another country. I might have just had to do what everyone else did...get a job just doing something, no matter what it was. Something that isn't what I studied, or something I don't care about._ On the outside they were all smiles, but he knew some of his friends from high school or even university complained about work in their off time, hating their bosses, their coworkers, the way their companies ran; if anything, he didn't want to end up like that, pinning everything on this one chance, a chance that might be smaller than 1%—but not zero.

               He hadn't brought up the fact that he was studying piano again. Well—not truly studying, in the way that Ash was, but after ten years he had gathered up the patience and the drive to crack open the books, filling pages of his notebook with scribbles about notes, keys, which symbols meant what; it had been so long he had forgotten almost everything, but some of it came back so easily it was as though he had stopped playing just yesterday, not back when he hadn't even been half as tall as he was now, a small child, whose fingers were too stubby to push the keys exactly right.

               _I wonder what he would say if I told him._ He expected that if Ash knew that he was the reason Eiji's head was filled with music now, after it had lay silent for years, he would push him away— _or, he might be happy about it._ He didn't want to risk damaging their newly-forged friendship, or whatever this was, the way they talked to each other much less guarded now, but still not completely familiar, the way Ash and Shorter were. _But that's just natural. They've probably known each other for years, and we met just last month. It would be strange if we were that close right away._ But, in a sense, they were; even when he had been a student, it had taken Eiji months, if not years, to truly feel close to his classmates, but when he talked to Ash, it was as though the wall he usually ran into when he met someone didn't even exist, able to reach right through.

               _It's funny._ His memories of New York felt strange to recall, like they belonged to someone else, but whenever he thought back to that concert, it became the most unmistakably real thing he thought he had ever experienced, as clear as a movie scene that he could rewind whenever he wanted, still able to feel the chills. _It's weird to think, but...even though he's American, and a boy, maybe we're connected somehow._ He didn't exactly believe in things like fate, always passing it off as something that belonged in comics, but recently he came back to it again and again, turning it over in his mind, wondering if there wasn't more to it than he had thought. It was silly, and whenever it came into his head he always wanted to dismiss it, but he hung on longer this time, closing his eyes. In the dark behind his eyelids, Ash's face swam, glowing softly in the light from the window of his apartment.

               _Let's say there is such a thing as fate. If there is, it would explain why I found your school right on the night of your concert, and how I found you and Shorter outside the dorms. And how there was a way for you to help me..._ Slowly, Eiji's eyes opened to find that his computer screen had gone dark, the only light that of his lamp there on the desk.

               _Then...does that make you my 'fated person'?_

 

~*~

 

               Inbox (1)

 

               Click.

 

               _Yeah, same as usual. I'm just trying not to get sick here. It's not just annoying, but when you're a music student, getting sick cuts into practice time and even performances, so we have to take care of ourselves. Hope you're not sick too._

_How'd it go with Max? Did he help you with everything? Did he even tell you what to do??_

_Ash_

               The only sound was the furious patter of keys, letters marching across the screen to form a reply.

 

               _Take care! I'm okay._

_I passed the interview. I'm going to America next year. Let's meet if you're free._

_Eiji_


	4. Träumerai

               _Just a little more. A little more. Come on. A few steps. You can do this, me! We're almost there! Just one more step and—_

               Eiji felt the strength leave his legs almost immediately as he fit the key into the lock, the door swinging open in front of him; he climbed out of his shoes, managing to get off his winter gear before falling onto his bed in the dark, face-down in the pillow, his frozen fingers glad to be out of the cold. The radiator on the opposite wall was working at full blast, his room amazingly warm, and Eiji had half a mind to just fall asleep lying there before he made himself get up, standing wearily, but as he shuffled across the room to the window, he paused with his hand outstretched, gazing out the window at the view he still wasn't used to, streetlights beaming in the night.

               It was February now, and Eiji had survived his first week living in New York City, though how, he didn't know. The past seven days had all been a blur, the hours packed full of so many different things it was impossible to remember them all—documents, interviews, meetings, pictures, names and numbers spinning around in his head. He had underestimated how cold it got here, having had to buy a brand-new hat and gloves, and he watched the layer of snow outside his window gleam under the lights, even his face cold just standing here next to the window. The apartment he lived in now was in Brooklyn, almost an hour's train ride away from the Manhattan streets he had walked up and down in October—a commute he would have to make every day now, seeing as his own office was in Manhattan, too.

               It had been no easy task securing the position he had at his company, the prospect far too vast for him to have imagined at the start, but with an enormous amount of help from a man named Max Lobo, the man Ash had put Eiji in contact with, slowly the process had become clearer, the steps more visible. Eiji had worked harder in the last three months than he thought he might have ever worked in his life, cramming to pass his last-minute English exam, spending sleepless nights poring over visa requirements and information about the company, writing emails in the light of his desk lamp to people he had never met before. Then it had been his apartment lease, insurance, plane tickets; he shuddered to think about the amount of money he had spent just to start living here, but as the days passed and he slowly settled in, he knew he wouldn't have traded this chance for anything, no amount of money big enough to regret.

               _I wonder how my parents are doing._ He hadn't had a chance to talk much with his family this past week, far too busy sometimes even to eat, but he knew they were thinking about him, worrying. He had clashed bitterly with his father about leaving the country, heated words flying when he least expected them to, but they had all come to see him off at the airport, even his sister, remembering their faces, fighting to stay neutral. His father's smile. _The world is waiting for you, Ei-chan_.

               _That reminds me..._ In all of the excitement Eiji had almost forgotten that he hadn't yet been able to meet up with Ash since he had come back to New York, though they still kept in touch via email; he paused in the middle of the kitchen, frying pan in hand. _What have I been doing? I have to say thank you for all of this. I know Max helped me with almost everything, but I would never have met him without Ash's help._ He didn't know what Ash's school schedule was like this month, or if he had any other obligations (he had never said anything about work, or how often he practiced), and, setting the pan down, Eiji wandered over to where his laptop sat on the coffee table, writing Ash a short email before he forgot again.

 

               _Please let me know your schedule. If you have time, let's meet._

_Eiji_

 

               It was some time later when Eiji had finished cooking dinner and was sitting in the living space, looking through papers; the contracts with the internet service and his cell phone provider were lying a ways away as well, his eyes aching from so much reading. His apartment had only one room apart from the bathroom, and he didn't have a TV, though that wasn't so bad, he thought, able to entertain himself just fine with his computer alone, though it _was_ a little lonely. At home the TV had always been on even if no one was really watching it, background noise that droned on and on, but without it he was very aware of how loud the city was, how vividly he could hear sirens, the rush of passing cars.

               Loud. Sound. City noise, the shuffle of papers, his heart. A beat. A melody.

               Without meaning to, a song quietly started in Eiji's head, soft notes floating somewhere in the back of his mind, and at first he didn't even notice, but the longer he stared at the words the louder it played until he couldn't ignore it anymore, letting the papers drop from his grip as he stretched out his hands, closing his eyes to visualize the piano keys in front of him. _Right...I didn't really think about music this week._ He felt his fingers moving, a little stiff from not having been stretched in a few days, from the frigid wind. Though he hadn't been able to bring all of his piano books from Japan, he remembered where his hands should go, the way the music should sound. _Why did I remember just now? It just came back from nowhere._ He wanted to listen to something. _Maybe it's because of—_

               Eiji was startled out of his daydream as his phone announced a new email with a buzz, and his eyes snapped back open as he scrambled for it, realizing right away it was from Ash.

 

               _You sure don't waste time. I'm free this Saturday if you are. Max told me what's been going on, and I think he wants to celebrate you getting the job and everything. If you're okay with it, let's all go out together. We can talk about the time and place later. I'll invite Shorter too._

_Ash_

 

               Eiji was ecstatic.

 

               _Yes! Please come!_

_Eiji_

 

               _Though, I wonder if Max won't feel awkward with so many young people._ Max wasn't by any means an _old_ man, though he was a fair bit older than Eiji and the others, his face a little more worn, hairline a little more receding. _Oh well. I'm sure it'll be fine._ The excitement far outweighed any uneasiness he had about meeting up, and Eiji found himself looking forward to Saturday much more than he had looked forward to maybe anything this whole week, though that might have been because he hadn't had much of a chance to relax. _It'll be strange to see Ash and Shorter in person again, instead of just on my computer. I wonder what we'll talk about. Or what we'll do..._

               He had wanted to spend more time thinking about things—work, or what he still had to get done, or what exactly might happen on the weekend—but Eiji could no longer fight back the tiredness that stole over him, making his head so heavy it was impossible to keep his eyes open any longer, and he managed to crawl into his pajamas somehow before he was out, snow falling gently outside the window, drifting—just like him.

 

~*~

 

               _Okay. Calm down. It's just weird since we haven't actually seen each other for a long time. It'll be fine._ His shoes scraped against the sidewalk, face buried under a thick hat, scarf, high-collared winter coat. _I'm sure once we start talking it'll be okay. And there'll be lots of other people there._ But in spite of the self-pep talk Eiji had been recycling all day long, he couldn't help feeling nervous, his mind darting far ahead of himself to dream up what would happen that evening, what kind of things they would talk about, what kind of food they would eat. Should he have worn something nicer? Should he drink to loosen himself up a little? _No, maybe that's a bad idea. It'll just—_

               "Hey, Eiji! There you are."

               Eiji stopped short at the sound of his name, his heart thudding in surprise, but as his gaze snapped upwards he realized Max was standing waiting for him outside the restaurant, raising a hand in a friendly wave. "Glad you found it. It wasn't hard to get here?" "No, I was okay." Eiji nodded, feeling himself smile though his face was raw and numb from the cold, amazed he could still feel his fingers even though his gloves. Max, too, was wearing a heavy coat, though he looked like he would much prefer to be inside, arms around himself in a last-ditch effort to keep warm. A mellow, easygoing man, Max's reddish-brown hair and average build didn't exactly make him stand out, but Eiji was glad that of all the people he could have received help from, it had been Max, his personality making him relatively easy to get along with. He was somewhat of a fast talker, and though Eiji had studied English as hard as he could right before coming to America, there were still some things Max said that he couldn't catch, try as he might.

               "Hope you're hungry," said Max, jerking his head towards the doors behind him; from the other side of the thick windows they stood in front of, Eiji could just barely make out dim lights and the silhouettes of other customers. "Oh, and don't worry about the bill. I'll take care of it." "Wha—" Eiji looked up in alarm, his eyes having wandered over the windows, the awning, the windows that towered over them. "I can pay! It's okay." "No, no, I insist." Max shook his head, smiling knowingly. "This is _your_ party, Eiji. You won't have to lift a finger." He turned towards the doors, pulling the nearest open. "Ash and his friend are already inside. Wouldn't want to make them wait, would you?" _They're already here?_

               Eiji blinked as he stepped inside, the warm air suddenly overwhelming, but as he loosened his scarf, his eyes adjusting to the light, he instantly felt himself relax as he took in the interior of the restaurant, the smell of cooking food making his stomach rumble. All he had been told was the address, but it didn't take long for him to realize this was an Italian restaurant, the decor cozy and nostalgic somehow, walls red-brown brick; fans gently rotated above their heads as he followed Max through the front room, past a long wooden bar, into the main dining room, voices and the clinking of plates and glasses mingling together to serve as their background music. _Wow..._

               "And here we are." Max stopped in front of a table where two people already sat, two chairs empty, and Eiji felt the tumultuous feelings rolling around inside of him jump up high as he recognized Ash and Shorter, both donning thick patterned sweaters, coats draped over the backs of their chairs and bags shoved unceremoniously underneath. "Eiji!" Shorter's face lit up with joy as Eiji met his gaze, and Eiji felt himself grin back, unable not to when Shorter's smile was so big. "I can't believe we get to see you again—it feels like you were just here." "I know." Eiji nodded in understanding. "I think so too."

               "Welcome back." At Ash's voice, Eiji turned his gaze across the table, deep brown eyes meeting green in the candlelight flickering from the lone candle that sat there on the tabletop. In the lull in the voices around them, he could hear the soft notes of acoustic guitar, accordion, mandolin floating through the air; Ash's hair shimmered like spun gold, his fingers laced together under his chin, and for half a second Eiji could only stare, mesmerized, a soft little smile tugging at the corners of Ash's mouth.

               _Whoa, what am I doing?_ "L-Long time no see," Eiji managed to spit out, hastily taking a seat and unearthing himself from the layers of outerwear he had on, suddenly uncomfortably hot. "Did you wait a long time?" "No, we basically just got here, too," said Shorter, shaking his head, and Eiji felt himself relax a bit, sinking into his chair. "We've just been sitting here trying to figure out what to order, since Mr. Lobo said he would pay for all of us." "Whoa, whoa, 'Mister' Lobo?!" Max looked almost offended, though Eiji knew by now he was joking, his eyes raised in shock. "Please, just call me Max." "Max, then. Are you sure about this?" asked Shorter, looking hesitant. "Yeah, he might eat your whole wallet empty," Ash chimed in, smirking at the dirty look Shorter threw his way the next instant.

               "I said I would take care of it, and that's that," said Max, the look on his face reminiscent of a pouty child, and Eiji fought the urge to smile, hoping no one saw; the others had menus open in front of them, and Eiji leaned over to look at Max's, hoping he would be able to understand what it said. _At least it's not in Chinese this time._ "What're you having, Eiji?" Max pushed the menu towards him, a kind smile on his face now. "This place's famous for seafood, but there's a lot of other stuff, too—pizza, pasta, steak. Get whatever you want."

               After perusing the options for a while, Eiji finally settled on pizza, having seen a waiter carry another order to a neighboring table, and their menus were taken away, leaving them to sit a little awkwardly in silence until another waiter arrived with a bottle of wine and two glasses, as well as soft drinks. _Wait..._ Eiji swiveled around to look at Max, who gave him a devious smile. "You didn't think we weren't going to drink at your celebration, did you? No wine for the minors, though. You have to be 21 to drink here, you know." "Too bad," said Shorter, leaning back in his chair; from across the table Ash met Eiji's gaze once again, amusement shining through. "I'm sure Eiji wouldn't mind if we had a few sips of his." Max shot him a narrow-eyed look that said _don't you even think about it,_ pulling the wine bottle safely over to his and Eiji's side. "You just try."

               As Max uncorked the wine, Eiji watched with a combination of apprehension and relief as it swirled into their glasses, deep red, fragrant enough that he could smell it even from a few inches away. _Just when I thought I wasn't going to drink anything tonight...but honestly, I'm a little glad._ "Everyone all set?" Max held up his glass, and Ash and Shorter leaned forward, soft drinks in hand. "Well—congratulations, Eiji, to your new job!" "Cheers!" called out Shorter, and Eiji raised his glass to tap it against all the others', the sound ringing out in the air. His face felt warm again, but this time he knew it was half from embarrassment, half from how fiercely pleased he was, chest tight and hot with happiness. He had to stop himself from downing too much of the wine in the first mouthful, pushing the glass back onto the table before he got too carried away. _I'm really here. I'm in America, eating dinner with my friends..._ He thought he would burst with how intense the feeling was, unsure where to keep his gaze, momentarily speechless.

               They chatted on a while, waiting for the food to arrive; Eiji had never eaten at a restaurant that used personal tablecloths before, the feeling of his spread open in his lap somehow uncomfortable, but spilling something on himself (like wine) wouldn't exactly make for a good reunion with Ash and Shorter, though at the very least it would be memorable. It seemed that Ash and Max hadn't seen one another in quite a long time, their banter quickly progressing from cordial and friendly to so familiar they could have been father and son, Ash's sharp tongue making an appearance halfway through, to their amusement. _I wouldn't have thought it when we first met, but Ash is pretty funny._ From his seat Eiji studied Ash's features, how his eyes almost sparkled when he was being witty, brow furrowing when Max bit back at him. _But on the other hand, he's pretty sensitive, too. He's always on Shorter's case, but when he's the one being teased, he can't take it._ He had to smile.

               "What?" Ash had noticed, pulling a mock-hurt face. "You wanna make fun of me too?" "Maybe." The wine was making it easier to speak, Eiji's smile widening, and Ash raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? Never thought I'd hear that from _you_. Are you already drunk?" "Um..." There was barely any wine left in Eiji's glass. _Oops._ "You lightweight." There was a sort of teasing grin on Ash's face, and now Eiji had the unbearable urge to wind him up, though he didn't know where to begin, not knowing what exactly Ash reacted to. "Come _on,_ Max, let me have just one glass," Ash was saying, and Max rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. "I'm not going through this with you again. Maybe Eiji'll buy you some later if he feels like it." "Yeah, but it'll be late by then," said Ash, looking at Eiji again almost for confirmation, and Eiji looked back in defiance. "Children should go to bed early."

               "You tell 'im, Eiji." There was a huge grin on Shorter's face, his arms moving in time to some rhythm, and Eiji realized he was playing along to the sound of the violin that was coming through the speakers, eyes fixed on the table, though he was still listening to every word they said. Ash shot Eiji a look of disbelief. "You can be mean when you're drunk, you know that?" "Okay, kids, time to eat," said Max, drawing their attention, and Eiji looked up to find their waiter approaching with their food, almost having forgotten they were there to eat.

               The hours slipped by as they ate and drank and talked, Eiji's pizza smaller than he had thought it would be, but he was secretly relieved, not knowing if he would have been able to eat anything larger; Max had ordered a mouth-wateringly charred steak, and Shorter was nearly at the bottom of his gigantic plate of pasta, not so much as looking up as the others chatted on. Sitting in front of Ash was a plate of creamy salmon, but, like Eiji, he ate much more slowly, stopping to talk, to take a drink, to stare pensively down at the tablecloth. Though he doubted the others noticed, and he wasn't exactly sober anymore, out of the corner of his eye Eiji saw that once the conversation had died down and there was no one to keep his attention, Ash's eyes always adopted the kind of gentle sadness he had seen at their parting in October, just a flash, before it was hidden away.

               _Should I ask him what's wrong?_ It was on Eiji's mind throughout the entirety of dinner, even as he ate his way through the pizza, even as he accepted all of the refills of his glass Max offered, feeling his surroundings growing airier, his limbs heavier. _I noticed it when we talked online, too. He tries to hide it, but now I can see it better. I didn't really realize at first. Do Shorter and Max not see? Or...do they know the reason, and don't talk about it?_ The pizza was gone before he realized, his stomach full, wine making his face burn.

               "That was good pasta." Shorter sank back into his seat, satisfied, once his plate was empty, and Max nodded, folding up his tablecloth and tossing it up onto the table. "I don't just go to _any_ restaurants. Figured if we were gonna celebrate, we had to do it in style." "Seriously, thanks again for all of this," said Shorter, looking bashful, and Eiji nodded in agreement. "Yes, thank you. I'm sorry about everything." "What're you apologizing for?" Max clapped him on the shoulder, smiling. "You worked hard to get here, Eiji. You should be proud." "Yeah!" Shorter nodded enthusiastically. "Even Ash was all worried and stuff. He thought maybe you wouldn't pass the interview." "Well, he did, didn't he?" grumbled Ash, sounding almost angry, but Eiji knew it was just a cover to hide his sudden embarrassment, put on the spot.

               Once Max had gotten back his card after paying the bill and all of their plates had been cleared away, it was later in the evening and the restaurant was growing steadily busier, babble of voices loud around them, drowning out the music. "We should get going before they kick us out," said Shorter, looking around nervously, and Max nodded, rising from his chair; simultaneously they all mimicked him, pulling their coats and scarves back on, retrieving their bags. Eiji wasn't looking forward to going back out into the wind, much less endure the train ride back to Brooklyn, especially now that he had been drinking and wasn't sure if he was going to be able to stay awake all the way home. _Why did I think it was a good idea to do that, again?_

               "Where's everyone heading off to after this?" asked Max, as they walked to the exit, pushing past other patrons; Shorter pointed to the wall to indicate the west. "I'm going back to the dorms. This way." Max pulled open the door, freezing night air smashing into them as they stepped back outside, and Eiji gave a whimper of discomfort at the feeling, face instantly cold. "And I'm heading back home for the night, and Eiji's going back to Brooklyn, right?" Max pulled over to the side, letting them crowd around him to talk. Eiji suddenly felt the wine reach his head, reaching out to grab the wall with a gloved hand, and at once everyone was moving forward, ready to catch him if he fell.

               "Whoa, Eiji, you okay? I can get you a taxi if you think you can't make it," said Max, concern in his gaze, but Ash stepped forward, gently prying Eiji off of the wall, touch light. "I'll take him back." "Wha—all the way to Brooklyn?" Shorter blinked at him, incredulous. "It'll take you at least two hours to go and come back. You know that, right?" "I'll at least take him to the station," said Ash, stubborn, and Shorter backed off, nodding. "Okay. I'll probably see you on Monday, then." "Ash, are you sure? I can pay for a taxi," said Max again, but Ash shook his head, holding Eiji by the arm to steady him. "We'll be okay. If not, I'll go with him to make sure he's safe." _You would do all that...for me?_

               "Well, if you insist." Max still looked hesitant, but Ash wouldn't take no for an answer, and Eiji was pacified just by how unwilling he was to budge, unable to argue. Under normal circumstances he would have been almost ashamed to be taken care of by someone younger than him, but he had to admit it was better than being left alone to find his way home, though with the help of his phone he was sure he would have made it one way or another. "Take care getting home, you two. Call me if anything comes up. It would kill me if something happened and I could've done something about it." Max shook his head. "Later, Eiji!" Shorter raised a hand in farewell, and then they were alone, Eiji letting Ash lead the way back out towards the main street.

               For a time, Eiji stayed silent, trying to focus on the ground, remembering to keep walking as Ash tugged him along by the sleeve of his coat; reality felt hazy, like he was in a dream, and he heard his voice come out before he had had time to think about it. "Why?" "Huh?" Ash looked back at him in confusion. "I could take a taxi. You don't want to sleep?" asked Eiji, and at this Ash stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, hesitating. "Do you want to take a taxi?" he asked quietly, and Eiji felt his heart jolt painfully in his chest as he realized Ash was upset, though just a little. "No! Just—" "Then it's fine." The next instant Ash's features had melted into a soft smile, eyes bright under the streetlights. "Can you walk okay?" "I..." Eiji fumbled for words, but Ash was already beside him, taking his arm. "Come on. I'll make sure you don't fall, just in case."

               _I don't understand._ Their bulky coats made it hard for Ash to really get a firm grip, but the way he pulled Eiji so confidently along the sidewalk was comforting in a way, Eiji not having to do much more than stumble along beside him and hope he wouldn't trip over his shoes, or a stray icy patch that hadn't been scuffed away by the foot traffic. It didn't feel awkward, or scary, or anything negative that it might have otherwise—it felt as though this was the way it was supposed to have been all along, as though it had already happened hundreds, maybe thousands of times. It might have just been because he had been drinking, but Eiji thought that of everyone who had pulled him around by the arm or by the hand in the past, Ash's touch was the softest, the most careful. It was almost as if the smallest tug in the wrong direction would break him, and he didn't know how to react, staring up into the black sky, watching his breath drift up past him like smoke. _Like...ash?_

               "Hey, Ash." The silence was unnerving, but not heavy, he thought; still, he wanted to break it. "Why do you know Max? He's not a piano player." At this Ash gave a little chuckle, slowing so they could walk and talk at the same time, pulling Eiji off towards the side of the path to let people go past them. "He didn't tell you? He's a writer for the newspaper. He interviewed me for an article he wrote after I won a competition last year, so after that we started talking a little. He's kind of like the weird uncle I never had, so he's pretty easy to talk to." Ash's gaze was still ahead of them, but he seemed much more relaxed now than he had been just a few minutes ago, much to Eiji's relief. "You were in the newspaper?" asked Eiji, amazed, and Ash nodded. "Yeah, just a small story. Students from our school get featured sometimes since they're pretty elite, but it's usually not more than half a page. People don't really care about classical music these days." He sounded just a little disappointed.

               They were coming up right along the outside of Central Park, trees casting shadows in the night, and Eiji looked up at the branches, silhouetted against the sky. "By the way, Ash..." Eiji had meant to ask during one of the many times they had video chatted during his time back in Japan, but he had never found a good time, not sure if Ash even wanted to talk about it; now, though, he had an opportunity he wasn't sure he would ever have again, and decided now was as good a time as any. "Why did you start playing piano?"

               He almost expected Ash to be angry, or change the subject, but instead he pointed to a bench that sat a little ways away, empty, as were most of the benches they had passed thus far—winter in New York was not exactly the time to sit outside. "Wanna sit? It'll be cold, but as long as we move soon it should be okay." "Well...okay."

               Ash dropped Eiji's arm as they took a seat, the bench indeed cold, but Eiji was wrapped up in so many layers he barely noticed, just drunk enough that it didn't bother him. "So..." Ash paused, staring down at the ground, and Eiji waited patiently, trying to discern Ash's expression, the emotion in his gaze. "I never said anything about him, but...I have an older brother." Ash's hands folded together in his lap. "His name's Griffin. He's not very well-known outside of the scene, but he's a really successful pianist. He's always overseas doing things—now, too. We were both raised playing piano, but...I dunno. He's always been recognized for music. I really admired him when I was young, and I wanted to be like him. I still kinda do, I guess." He sounded more serious than Eiji had ever heard him, and suddenly it felt like he hadn't drank anything at all, the world coming back into focus.

               "But...it's like..." Ash grappled for words, pausing again. "I mean...I worked really hard. I practiced every day, and Griff even helped me practice. I thought we would always be at the same level...but the older we got, the better he got, until I was way behind. I won competitions too, and got into good schools, but everyone..." He stopped himself, shaking his head. "Anyway. I started playing piano together with my brother, but I kept going because I wanted to...compete with him, I guess. It's stupid." At last he turned to Eiji, resignation in his eyes. "I know I can never be better than him, but I want to try anyway."

               "That's..." Eiji felt an electric sort of thrill rush through him. "That's not true! You didn't try yet." _Me either._ "We can practice together. If I don't work, or on the weekend...you can get better. You can beat him." "Eiji..." Ash blinked back at him, stunned. "'We'...do you mean..." "Yes." Eiji nodded. _Neither of us have tried. If we don't, how will we ever know?_ "When I went home, to Japan...I studied piano again. Just from books. I wrote a lot of notes, and listened to piano every day on the internet. My fingers still remember." He wiggled them in his lap, gloves making it hard to move, but the effect was there. "Because..." The words were already out of his mouth. "Because I saw your concert on that day."

               For a long, long moment, a moment that felt like a hundred years, Ash sat frozen, his eyes on Eiji's; the expression there in his gaze was unreadable, but at the very least, thought Eiji, it didn't seem like one he had been dreading. The second after, he seemed to come to his senses, standing suddenly and seizing Eiji's arm again, tugging him to his feet. "Come on. We should get you to the station." "Are...you angry?" Eiji managed, but Ash refused to answer, just leading him on down the sidewalk to the subway, no matter how many times Eiji pressed him about it.

               They were right outside the stairs that led down to the station when Ash finally stopped, letting go of Eiji's arm and turning to face him, holding out his hand. "Give me your phone." "What?" Eiji paused, confused, but Ash made the same motion again, and knowing when he had lost, Eiji handed his phone over, watching as Ash typed something into it before handing it back. "What did you do?" asked Eiji, and, at last, Ash smiled, no trace at all of anger, of disgust, of anything negative. "Well, if you really want to practice, we need a better way to talk to each other than email, right? I put my number in." He mimed typing on a keypad. "Text me later so I can get yours."

               "You want to practice with me?" asked Eiji in disbelief, and at this Ash reached out with both hands, clamping them onto Eiji's shoulders. "I think it's time for drunk old men to go home now." "I'm not drunk," protested Eiji, and Ash nodded, his expression entirely serious but his eyes laughing. "Whatever you say, Wino. I'll tell the other moms at the PTA meeting that you were getting trashed without them." " _Ash!_ " "No, but really—you're okay to go back alone, right?" The amusement in Ash's face was replaced by true concern, and Eiji nodded. "Don't worry. I feel better now." "Okay, good." Ash let go of his shoulders, withdrawing, but the next second he had given Eiji's back a little pat towards the direction of the stairs. "'Night, Eiji. Let me know when you wanna practice." He waved innocently from above as Eiji stuck his tongue out at him on his way down, already reaching in his pocket for his train pass.

               All the way home Eiji turned over Ash's story in his mind, replaying it, pieces falling into place. _Now I understand a little more. Maybe for all of his life, Ash has been chasing his brother. He was probably the closest person to Ash once, but now they're rivals. Anyone would probably react the way Ash is...trying to get better, climbing higher. It's not his fault. But..._ One line in particular had stuck out to him, and it was that line he dwelled on, unable to let it go. _I kept going because I wanted to compete with him._

               _Ash...if that's true, how do you feel about piano now? Is it something important to you? If, one day, you catch up to your brother...will you not need it anymore?_


	5. Arabesque

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2018/11/30 - Sorry for last week's delay! I was on vacation and wasn't able to finish the chapter in time. Please enjoy :)

               Eiji let his back rest against the fence behind him as he took out his phone for the hundredth time, though he knew no more messages would come; it was a sunny day, but cold, his nose stinging in the open air as he tried fruitlessly to wrap himself up more tightly in his scarf. All around him people passed by as though he weren't even there, carrying bags, riding bicycles, walking their dogs, looking at their phones just like he was. The rush of cars behind him had become such a normal sound he barely noticed anymore, almost like the roar of the sea, and for a moment he let his mind wander back home to Izumo, walking along the beach and letting the surf lap at his feet. _I wonder if there are beaches here. I never looked. When it gets warm...maybe I'll go._

               "Yo." A sudden voice startled him out of his memories, and Eiji looked up in surprise to find Ash standing in front of him, most of his hair hidden under a thick knit cap, blue down jacket somehow looking awkward on his skinny frame. "Sorry to keep you waiting. Been here long?" "No, I came here about five minutes ago," said Eiji, shaking his head, and at this Ash looked relieved. "That's good. You need anything before we go back? Food or anything? I don't keep a lot at home." "I'm okay." Eiji smiled, trying to hide how nervous he was, though he couldn't say he wasn't excited, too.

               Around two weeks had passed since the reunion party, and after texting for days trying to figure out each other's schedules, Ash had at last invited Eiji to practice with him at his apartment, where he had his own, private piano, he had said. Having expected they would use a piano at the school, Eiji had spent far too much of that morning trying to think of what to give as a 'thanks-for-inviting-me' gift, wandering around the drugstore in circles until finally settling on candy, a few bags tucked into his backpack. It seemed that Ash lived only a few blocks away from the school, and Eiji quietly followed along behind him as they crossed the streets, taking in the sights.

               Ash lived in a weathered building made of brown brick, almost a century old, if Eiji had to guess from the design; a doorman at the bottom let them inside, and then it was into an elevator up to the tenth floor, the smell of the halls almost reminiscent of Eiji's old elementary school. To try and calm his nerves a little he watched Ash when he wasn't looking, taking in the way he stood so nonchalantly to one side, hands in his pockets. Even winter gear looked good on him, like he was about to go skiing somewhere at a luxurious resort, and Eiji silently felt his heart stir a little in his chest.

               Once they had reached the tenth floor and gone around the corner, Ash pulled his keys out of his pocket to unlock the door marked 10G, and then they were inside, Eiji fighting the urge to sigh in relief as he felt glorious heat wash over him. "Good thing I kept the heater on," remarked Ash, locking the door behind them and sliding out of his shoes. "You can just leave your coat and stuff on the back of the door. There should be space." Eiji looked up to find that this was true, a few hooks attached there, and he hung up his coat and scarf, tucking his hat into his bag.

               For living in such a prime location, and such a beautiful building, at that, Eiji was almost shocked to find that Ash only lived in a one-room apartment, the floors waxed hardwood, a tiny window that Eiji recognized from all the times they had video called one another the only light. A little bed was shoved into the corner next to it, and almost all of the rest of the space was taken up by a massive grand piano that stood right in the center of the room, gleaming, as though no one had ever touched it. A shelf with rows and rows of sheet music stood against the wall, and Eiji hesitated for a moment as Ash opened the curtains a little more, pushing aside stray books and his school bag to make space.

               "You can come in, you know," said Ash with a smile, noticing Eiji standing awkwardly in the doorway, and Eiji fumbled with his bag, pulling out the candy he had bought earlier. "I bought this for you!" he exclaimed, holding it out, and Ash crossed the room to take it, peering inside. "Chocolate? This a late Valentine's gift or something?"

               _Valentine's!!_ In all of the excitement about getting to see Ash's apartment, even more so getting to play piano with him, Eiji had entirely forgotten that it was still February, feeling his face flush. "It's because you invited me," he said, slipping his shoes off, watching as Ash put the candy into the refrigerator that sat pushed into the little kitchen nook beside the door. "Yeah? Is that a Japan thing?" Ash looked up, expression genuinely curious, and Eiji nodded. "Not always, but we bring fruits or snacks, so..." "Aw. And here I was thinking you just wanted to give me chocolate." Ash gave a teasing smile; Eiji had to fight to keep whatever weird butterflies were threatening to come loose at bay. "I guess we can eat it later if we get hungry." The refrigerator door closed.

               There were pages of music littered over the top of the piano, and Ash set them onto the shelf as Eiji approached, admiring the keys. "What did you play?" asked Eiji, pointing to the papers, for a moment Ash hesitated, looking down at the piano. "Well..." _Is it something private?_ "It's not really important, but Shorter and I got invited to play at an event in April. It's not something that needs to be perfect, but...I still want to play as well as I can, you know?" "What kind of event?" Eiji's attention was captured now, and at this Ash smiled, looking almost embarrassed. "Well, you know Rachmaninoff, right? The composer? His birthday's April 1 st, so there's going to be a special orchestra performance of some of his songs. I'm only playing one of them, since a lot of other pianists will be there, but I still need to practice."

               "Can I come to watch you?" asked Eiji, heart pounding at the idea of seeing Ash play on stage again, and for a second he thought he saw a pleased little flush color Ash's face before it disappeared. "Sure, if you want to. I think you need a ticket, though. I can probably get you one if I ask." "Please," said Eiji at once, not even bothering to try and hide how much he wanted to relive that night, feel that same excitement one more time; not two minutes had passed and he was already imagining the lights, how many people would be in the audience, how brilliantly Ash's hair would glow, rippling gold in the darkness.

               "Okay. I'll see what I can do," said Ash, nodding, and Eiji smiled wide, heart leaping. "Thank you!" "At this rate you're gonna be my number one fan," Ash said with a little smirk, back to teasing again, but Eiji had a feeling he was trying to play off how embarrassed he was, able to understand much more easily now the way Ash operated. Even via text he was quick to change the subject when Eiji said something straightforward, but he found it almost—

               _Is it weird of me to think that's kind of cute?_ Though Ash had a quite grown-up persona, especially when it came to music, he _was_ younger than Eiji, and his fair hair and skin tended to give him an almost cherubic appearance, like an innocent child that it was impossible to stay mad at. _Even if what he says is like that, his face always gives him away. He can never hide how he really feels._ "Anyway," Ash was saying, pulling the bench out from under the piano, "show me what you can do, Eiji. I've never heard you play before."

               "What?!" Eiji suddenly felt as nervous as he had on the day of the interview, his heart in his throat. "You won't play?" "I'll play later," said Ash, waving a hand as he leaned over top of the piano, cheek in his palm. "I practice every day anyway, and you said you haven't practiced on a real piano yet, right? Now's your chance." _This wasn't exactly what I came here for, but...it's true I wanted to play, too._ "Okay..." Eiji took a seat on the bench, feeling it sink down a little under his weight; the seat was made of soft leather. "What should I play?" "Hmm..." Ash turned to the shelf, gaze wandering over the scores. "How about Bach? You can at least do _Prelude_ in C major, right?" _Oh..._ "Do you have the notes?" asked Eiji, feeling his face really starting to burn now with how nervous he was, and Ash nodded, flipping through pages until he had found the right ones, setting them gently down in front of Eiji. "Okay, go for it."

               _Can I really do this?_ Eiji let his fingers rest softly on the keys, the first time he had touched a piano since fifth grade; all at once a well of memories came rushing into his head, evenings spent playing the same notes over and over again, the stern gaze of his piano teacher. The disappointed looks his parents gave from across the room as he sat frozen in front of the keys, his mind blank, searching and searching for a melody that never came. There had been nothing fun about music in those days, even if he enjoyed listening to it, forcing himself to learn the songs. Back then he had never had the notes in his head, no matter how hard he willed them to come.

               _But now..._ Yes. Now, the notes came even when he _didn't_ will them to, playing in the background of his mind as he worked, as he cooked dinner, as he lay in bed ready to sleep. They were in the birds outside his window in the mornings, or the banging sound his radiator made; they were in the howl of the wind, the rumble of the traffic, the voices that floated up from the street. Music was alive inside his heart now, and as Ash looked at him, giving him a little encouraging smile, he thought that was maybe all he had ever wanted in the first place—a reason to push those keys.

               Eiji felt his fingers moving before he truly knew they were, a little afraid to press too hard in case Ash's piano wasn't in the best condition, but the sound rang out so clearly and beautifully Eiji thought he had never heard anything like it. His movements weren't completely smooth, a little clunky and awkward, but he could keep going, Ash silently reaching over to turn the page once Eiji had reached the end of it. It wasn't a long song, only two minutes, but those two minutes felt like an eternity, Eiji's back growing hot from how much effort he was pouring into just trying not to stop playing. He was amazed at how much he didn't hate the feeling of playing the way he had as a child, always wanting to do something else, not practice so much, but now he thought this was all he wanted to do, content to sit here and play for Ash as long as he was able to.

               When at last the song was over, and Eiji let his hands drop into his lap, feeling almost like he had just climbed a mountain, he was met with a few moments of silence, heart sinking. _Was it that bad? I know I haven't had the chance to actually play until now, but..._

               And then, the sound of applause.

               Eiji looked up in bewilderment as Ash clapped enthusiastically, an awed smile on his face, eyes shining. "That was great!" "Wh—really?" Eiji blinked, shocked; though he hadn't expected only silence, he hadn't expected this either, somehow not truly wanting to believe it. "Yeah! If you hadn't told me you hadn't played piano for years, I would never have believed you." Ash pointed down at the keys. "But I _am_ a piano student, so I can't help wanting to critique you a little." He grinned. "For your first try in ages, that was really good. But you have to let your wrists relax, or else your hands won't move the way you want." He was already coming around to the bench. "Let's do something easy together. I'll go slow so you can see."

               _Wait, we're going to play_ together? _Me? With Ash?_ Eiji moved over, incredulous, but Ash took a seat on the other side of the bench like he was sitting down to a meal, movements so natural and casual that Eiji couldn't imagine him doing anything else, like he had been born to sit in front of a piano. "Hmm." Ash frowned down at the keys. "Okay. How about _Canon in D?_ It's slow, and I'll keep time with you so you don't panic." He leaned over to peruse the shelf before fishing out the correct sheet music, swapping it out with the one sitting in front of Eiji. _I'm so nervous..._ Eiji could only stare down at the keys, suddenly feeling like he had been asked to win first place in a marathon, his heart pumping hard.

               "Hey." Ash's hand was warm on his shoulder, and he looked up to find bright green eyes looking directly into his, soft. "It's okay. It's just me." _Yeah, but that's the problem..._ Sitting here so close to Ash was like someone had hooked Eiji up to an electrical current, sparks in his veins, suddenly hyper-aware of everything around him; he could see little freckles on Ash's face, the line of his eyebrows, the way the shadows filled in around his nose. He could smell whatever body wash or shampoo Ash had used that morning, lingering on his skin and in his hair, faintly musky. The sun was coming in bright through the window, sending soft beams onto the piano, specks of what could have been dust floating gently through the air. _Wait. Hang on. What is this? Calm down. What am I...?_

               "I...I'm sorry." Eiji forced himself to look back down at the notes, stretching his fingers. "I can do it." "Okay, good. You probably want some time to read everything, so we can start whenever you're ready." Ash fell silent then, letting Eiji look over the pages, playing the melody quietly in his head; _Canon_ had been one of the songs he had studied on the internet, but he had never thought about playing it with two people, feeling the nervousness increase the longer he sat there. _Okay, well...here goes._

               With a nod from Eiji, Ash took the lead, fingers poised perfectly above the keys before he started, touch graceful, and Eiji was mesmerized for the few seconds before it was his turn, his own part melting into Ash's effortlessly. _Wow..._ He couldn't spare a moment to watch the way Ash played, too focused on the movement of his own hands, making sure his wrists were more fluid this time, but even without looking he could imagine the way Ash was holding himself, the expression on his face. Though Eiji couldn't play as confidently, or as quickly, he was still managing to keep up, and he let his thoughts drift, the sound of the notes reverberating in his mind, in his soul. _Now that I think about it...this is that song they play at weddings._

               The sun was suddenly bright in the room, clouds moving away, and Eiji felt it warm on his back as it lit up the piano brilliantly, keys shining, polished black reflecting the ceiling light; he couldn't stop himself from looking over at Ash for just a second, only to find that he was looking back. It was only a moment, but he thought the look in Ash's eyes was unlike any he had seen before, so soft and unexpectedly warm he thought he might want to melt, turning back to the keys the next instant, face on fire. Their song filled the air, slow and sweet, and the feeling in his chest was threatening to eat him, so amazed at how easily he could find the right keys that he wanted to laugh, to dance. To hug Ash. _Canon. A wedding song. A wedding is two people, isn't it? Two people who share something...maybe the same goals, or the same dreams. The same feeling. Two people who come together to be one person._ And weren't they one, now, playing the same song?

               As the song drew to a close, the last notes shaking in the air, Eiji felt the strength drain out of his body as his fingers slid off the keys, his heart soaring. He had never thought playing the piano could feel like this, all of the anger, the frustration, the monotony from days past so unreal he wondered for a moment if he had ever really experienced it, if it hadn't just been a figment of his imagination. _Did that really just happen? I played a song with Ash? And it didn't feel bad or strange at all..._ "Eiji." The sudden sound of Ash's voice startled him once again, and Eiji turned to find Ash looking at him, a question in his gaze. "Why did you quit piano?"

               "Well..." Eiji hesitated. "When I was young...it was too difficult. I didn't understand how to play well. My hands didn't move, and I couldn't remember the keys...my teacher wasn't kind. I started piano because of my parents." He felt almost ashamed. "They said if I continued, one day I would enjoy piano. I thought so, too...but I tried, and I couldn't do it. I didn't like practice, or lessons. My life had no connection to music." "Oh...I see." Ash nodded slowly. "It's just...you're a fast learner, and the way you play is pretty good. Like I said before—I would never have known you hadn't played in years. I was setting the pace, but you had no problem keeping up with me. And..." He looked away, eyes drifting back down to the keys. "You looked like you were having so much fun."

               _Fun._ He couldn't deny that he had been enjoying it, though he kept worrying he wouldn't, childhood memories too strong to ignore. _It really was fun. Ever since I met you...I've thought piano was fun._ "I want to practice more...but, maybe not now." Eiji climbed off the bench, trying to wind down, still feeling his heart pounding. "Do you want to play something?"

               "You just came here to get another free concert, didn't you." A sly little smile was on Ash's face now, and Eiji felt himself smile back, taking the bait. "Won't you give me one?" Ash laughed; the sound filled the room like their song had, bright, like sunshine. "Well, if you insist, Mr. Number One Fan. Any requests?" "No. Anything is fine," said Eiji, taking a seat on Ash's bed as Ash looked down at the piano, adjusting himself so that he was sitting more in the center of the bench. "Okay. Let's see..."

               As Ash's hands gently moved over the keys, Eiji recognized the soft notes of Liszt echoing, a song that reminded him of warm spring days, the wind in his hair, soft grass waving in the breeze. "This is a very beautiful song," said Eiji, and he saw the corner of Ash's mouth twitch a little. "I was kind of in the mood to play something softer. So many songs are so intense...especially since I've been practicing Rachmaninoff every day." On the stage Ash's movements were much more dramatic, showier, but here in private he played much more calmly, a more subdued aura about him; that didn't make the power of his music any less stronger, thought Eiji, this version of Ash somehow full of raw emotions that he thought others didn't see.

               _You really do have a strange power, Ash._ Eiji let his eyes fall shut, just listening to the sound of the piano, his hands in his lap. _I always used to think that I had no choice but to play piano. That I would never want to do it myself...it was always for someone else. I didn't want to be better than someone, like you...but I never wanted to play just for me._ In his mind, he was sitting somewhere in a meadow, wide open blue sky above his head, flowers dancing in the sun. _But when I hear you play, it's so clear. I know now...how great piano can be._ And Ash was sitting there too, flowers in his hands, a bouquet of white and gold. _I want to play. And if I can, I want to play...with you._

               When the room had fallen silent, Eiji's eyes opening again, it was a little less bright, the sun having changed position in the sky; Ash sat motionless on the bench for a few seconds before he seemed to come to his senses, looking over at Eiji almost expectantly. "Enjoy your free show, Number One Fan?" "Yes." Eiji didn't know what to say, his feelings much more than 'good' or even 'great', words failing him. "It was so beautiful. I feel...happy."

               "Well, good." Ash ran a hand through his hair in embarrassment. "I guess...no one ever really listens to me play unless it's at school or on stage. I've never really had friends come over like this. I guess Shorter listens sometimes, but that's usually because we have some assignment or he's bored. And he has his own things to do." He looked faintly touched. "Honestly, I'm not in here a lot. I probably said so before too...I just sleep here most of the time, or practice. It's my apartment, but it's almost weird to be here like this."

               "Ash." Eiji's mind was made up; their eyes met, and he was sure of it now, that he was making the right decision. "Please...teach me piano."

               In Ash's eyes, Eiji saw a thousand different emotions; flickers of surprise, excitement, hesitation, joy passed before him before he finally spoke. "Teach? Like...tutor you? Like this?" He was wide-eyed. "Yes." Eiji nodded, surprised at how calm he was, how strong the conviction inside him was. "I want to play piano with you, Ash. Of course, if you don't have time, it's okay...just once a week, or once a month is fine. I can study on the internet like before. I can buy a keyboard to practice at home. But I..." _I don't want to learn from anyone else._ "I want to play like today. I always want piano to be fun."

               "You're sure about this?" The look on Ash's face was still one of disbelief. "It's not just playing around the way we are now. Piano is way harder to learn when you're older—you'll need hours and hours of practice." "I can do it." "You won't have a lot of time for other hobbies if you're serious." "It's fine." "You need to study hard." "No problem." _I'm not going back. This...it has to be you._

               "You better prepare yourself, Eiji." Ash's face was serious, but Eiji could see the little glint in his eye. "If you really want me to tutor you, I'm not going to go easy on you. You're gonna have to keep up with practice, and follow what I say. Can you do that?" "Yes." Eiji wasn't going to back down. "Then..." Ash held out a hand, his expression almost helpless, but happiness shone through, bright, like rays of light. "Congratulations, Number One Fan. You've just been upgraded to the first private student I ever had." The playful smile was back on his face, and Eiji shook his hand, feeling once more how soft his fingers were.

               _Me, learning piano._ It had been a dream he had given up long ago—a dream that had never truly belonged to him until now. It still felt unreal, but the buzzing sensation in his fingers that was still lingering from playing with Ash wasn't a lie, and he knew that as a child he had never felt anything like it, the feeling foreign, but not unpleasant. It was as if he had truly come alive for the first time, some part of him that had lay sleeping at last awake, starving for more. _I don't know how far I can go, or how far I_ want _to go...but I'm going to do this._ Ash's fingers dropped from his. _For the first time in my life, I feel like...I finally know what I want._

               "Okay, Eiji, I'll give you your first homework assignment later." Ash crossed the room to the kitchen, turning off the lights, checking to make sure nothing was lying on the countertop. "Let's go get coffee. Like I said, I don't really keep much in here, and it's not dinnertime yet." "Wha—coffee?" Eiji sputtered, caught off guard; he hadn't expected to do anything apart from play piano, surprised. _I mean, I have time, but..._ "Yeah." Ash looked up at him with his eyebrows raised, as if to say— _you don't want to go?_ "It wouldn't make sense for you to come all this way and just go back home, right? And we need to talk about lesson plans." There was a mischievous shimmer in Ash's eye that Eiji couldn't argue with, and he pulled his coat back on in defeat, climbing back into his shoes and following Ash out into the hall once again.

               From the ground floor, the nearest coffee shop was only a few hundred meters away, and Eiji let Ash take the lead down the sidewalk, watching him from behind. Though his coat hid most of him from view, Eiji could still make out the outline of Ash's shoulders, head held up high, hands in his pockets. He didn't carry himself too haughtily, or too hunched over, either, but if Eiji had to give words to what he thought he could see, he would have said that there was some sort of soft, sad weight on Ash's shoulders, just barely there, but it was enough to notice—though he wondered if people around them did. _It's not just that, either. It's in your eyes, your hands...maybe someone else wouldn't see. But everything you do is...just a little bit sad._ It made him sad, too, a trickle of hurt curling up in his chest. _And I don't know why._

               Eiji blinked in surprise as Ash suddenly pulled open a door near them, and he realized they had arrived, the smell of coffee and a wall of heat hitting him full on; he loosened his scarf, pulling it down from his mouth as they got in line, Ash tucking his gloves into his pocket. "We might have to fight people for seats." Ash looked around for empty chairs as Eiji stared up at the menu, not even having been thinking about what he wanted to order, too preoccupied with the fact that he now had Ash for a teacher and the thoughts still floating around in his mind. "Actually, there's two over there—Eiji, can you go save those seats? Tell me what you want to drink and I'll get it for you." Ash handed his coat over, and Eiji unthinkingly did as told, settling on a latte as he carried their coats over to a tiny table that had just opened up.

               _What's going on?_ The babble of customers and the sound of silverware and rustling coats distracted Eiji as he waited for Ash to come back with their drinks, his head spinning. _Is this normal? He's kind of...forceful today or something. Did something happen? Did I make him angry when I asked to be his student?_ Suddenly he was nervous, though he reassured himself it was nothing, shaking his head even just to himself. _But he seemed happy about it. Is it something else? Or..._ His mind landed on another possibility. _Maybe I never actually knew the real Ash until now? Maybe this is how he always is, and he finally relaxed._ The thought was almost staggering, if it were true. _Now that I think about it, I haven't been totally open with him, either. His aura is so powerful that I feel like I can't calm down. At least...I think that's it._

               "Here you go." Eiji looked up as Ash reappeared at their table, setting their drinks down as he took a seat, peeling off his coat, shaking out his hair as he took his hat off. "Okay, now let's talk business." Eiji inwardly felt himself snap to attention; Ash's expression had instantly changed from friendly and casual to extremely serious, and he pulled out his phone to show something to Eiji, placing it in the middle of the table.

               Though Eiji had never doubted the fact that Ash was a student of a very highly ranked music school, it had never been clearer than it was now, as Eiji came to learn over the next forty-five minutes as Ash laid out his schedule, going over what he expected Eiji to know, resources he could use in case he wasn't able to practice at home. Though it was impossible for them to meet every day, or even every week, Eiji was to record himself to log his progress, his "homework" videos he would send to Ash via email or text. Ash would then note what Eiji should improve on, and when possible they would meet up the way they had that day to practice in person. Though Eiji was listening, part of him watched Ash's face as he talked, somewhere in the background of his mind; when Ash was speaking seriously, he used his hands far less, his brow more furrowed, his eyes much more intense. _This is Ash. He has a lot of different sides of himself, but...the Ash at the restaurant, and the Ash in his apartment, or in my phone...and the Ash here. They're all Ash._

               "Eiji, you're paying attention, right?" Ash gave him what Eiji could have sworn was a pouty face, and he nodded quickly, hoping he hadn't been staring somewhere off into the distance. "Yes! One hour." "Right. It'll be tough since you work, but if you really want to get better, I want you to try and practice for an hour at a time. And don't think you can slack off just because I'm not there watching you." Ash gave a sly smile. "But I know you'll work hard. I saw it when we were playing together...you really love piano." His features relaxed, gentle now, coffee cup at his lips. "And when I say that, I really mean it."

               _Maybe..._ Somehow, everything around Eiji was moving in slow motion, the cafe alight in bright beaming gold, the faint rays of sun coming in through the window. He could no longer see the faces of the people around them, blurs of color and sound that passed them by, his ears deaf to their voices. The world in front of him was only Ash, a soft light surrounding him, hair flaxen, shining, eyes brilliant green. It was as if Eiji was seeing him for the first time, _truly_ seeing him, his eyes drinking in every detail; the way he leaned back into his chair, the delicate way he held his cup, everything—he noticed it all, and he could have sat there for hours, he thought, just watching. _Maybe fate...really is real._ Ash had noticed, eyebrow raising in suspicion, but there was a sort of embarrassed-half smile on his face as well. "What?" _Fate is real, and it led me to you. What does that mean for me?_ "Eiji, what? Did I spill coffee on myself or something?" Ash looked down at his sweater, confused, but Eiji could only smile, shaking his head. _And for you?_ "Eiji, _what?!_ "

               Their conversation gradually shifted from music to other things—work, Eiji's neighborhood, the weather, their upcoming plans. They talked and talked, coffee cups long empty, but even when there was a lull in the conversation and they sat in silence, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, Eiji staring down at his phone as Ash tapped away on his own. _It's almost six...how long have we been sitting here?_ It was already dark outside, and Ash glanced at the time, pushing back his chair as he got to his feet. "How do you feel about dinner, Eiji?"

               _Practice, then coffee, now dinner?_ "I want to," said Eiji slowly, amazed it had even been offered, "but...the trains will be very crowded soon, and I have some work to do." "Oh—right, of course." Ash nodded, his face a picture of understanding, but Eiji couldn't ignore his eyes, the subtle sadness he had seen earlier suddenly fives time as strong. "Sorry. You live here now, and you're my student now, after all—we'll see each other soon." He smiled, the look almost convincing, but Eiji knew something was wrong. _Ash, why do you always make that face? What are your eyes saying? Do you—_

               And suddenly, it hit Eiji with all the force of a freight train, the realization rooting him to the ground.

               _Are you...lonely?_

_You don't want me to go?_

_Do you...miss...me?_

               "Ash."

               An expectant look, a gaze that lingered just a second longer.

               "Let's...do you want to have dinner next week?" The words were out before he could think about them, but at the way Ash's eyes lit up he knew he was right, a nod answering him. "Okay. I mean...if you want to. I think I'm free around this time next Saturday, too." _I can't believe..._ "Okay. I'll make a note." Eiji pulled his phone back out, typing it into his calendar, but his mind was churning all the while, even as they tossed out their empty coffee cups, walking back out into the cold night; they parted at the station, Ash's hand on his shoulder, and Eiji was left to his thoughts, staring out the train window at nothing and letting them run wild.

               _I'm not just imagining things, right? It's all really because...he just wants to spend more time with me?_ He couldn't stop his heart from pumping faster, hot in all his layers, so unbelievably flattered his face burned. _But...he has Shorter, and..._ But even just thinking about it, he stopped short, ready to smack himself for having been so blind. _But...he even said he doesn't really do much. He doesn't have a girlfriend. He doesn't go out. He only goes home to sleep, and the rest of the time he's just at school, or practicing. He isn't close to his family, and his brother's overseas..._ The reality was too much, too deep, somehow, to be true, but he couldn't deny it now; that look wasn't a lie—in fact, it might have been the realest thing he had ever seen.

               _Am I...the closest person to him? Even though we only met a few months ago...even though we're from different countries?_ Once more he thought back to what had been on his mind at the cafe. _If you're my 'fated person'...am I yours, too? Can I...really mean that much to someone?_ He pulled his phone from his pocket, almost expecting to have received a text by now, but he sent one first:

 

_Thank you for today. I'll work hard! Enjoy chocolate :)_

 

               Not a minute had passed before Ash replied, a smile making its way across Eiji's face as he read it:

 

_You better, number one fan. I'll eat it all and won't save any for you! :P_

_Thank you, though. I actually really like that kind of chocolate, but I never buy it for myself since I don't want to gain weight..._

_I'll get you something next time._

 

               They texted back and forth the entire way home, and by the time Eiji had arrived at his front door, the fluttering feeling in his chest had grown so large there was no way of stopping it anymore, some foreign, uncontrollable excitement surging through every part of him. It was almost scary, but he couldn't remember feeling this happy in maybe years, not wanting to eat, to sleep, to do anything except keep talking, and talking, even if there was nothing he especially wanted to talk about. Something that wasn't music had awoken inside him, something that had stirred so quietly, so slowly, that he hadn't even recognized it until now—but now that he had, he couldn't ignore it, standing in the dark in his living room with all of his winter gear still on, staring at the phone in his hand.

               _Oh no._

               Wait. Wait, wait, _wait—_

_This is bad. This isn't...this isn't what I meant to..._

His heart was still pounding.

               _I...do I...?_

               It was a thought for another day, another time, but a thought he couldn't bury now, rising to the forefront of his mind as he changed his clothes, turning on the lights. He could hardly eat dinner, lying sleepless under the covers as he stared at his phone, replaying everything that had happened that day over and over until he was almost sick of thinking about it. His mind wandered without him willing it, and as the days passed it only worsened, unable to concentrate on work, rushing to practice, waiting breathlessly for Ash's replies. It was a cycle he sank into without really being aware—but he spared a moment at night to think it over, surprised at himself, at who he had become.

               When he slept, he dreamt. He had spent many a dreamless night back at home, haunted sometimes by nightmares of exams, of hardships that might befall him at work; now, he dreamt almost every night, when he could remember. The details escaped him, and he didn't always know what he had said, but he knew that he dreamt, and when he dreamt, he dreamt of Ash.


End file.
